Bisexual partner

[Hiram]

I'm pretty convinced my current partner is bisexual – and although she’s never admitted it; at least not to me, I am now getting pretty curious about her sexuality.  

I’ve know her for at least three years, and one or two things she’s done and said in that time just give me the indications she likes women as well as men.

It isn't something that I have a problem with to be honest; apart from the fact I'd like her to be honest about it.

I’ve tried to bring it up in conversation, not very well though.  So, should I just ask - or would that be too invasive? I am worried about getting it all wrong.

[Bad Kitty]

it could just all be in your head. sometimes girls check out other girls not out of attraction, but more sort of a catty comparison thing.

also there's different sorts of "bi", the most common being "mostly straight bi-curious". the second most common is "mostly-lesbian bi", and then there's the least common "50/50 bi" (which is what I am)

if she has bi tendencies, she might be a little shy/awkward about discussing them. it's not so much an honesty issue, as it is a privacy issue. it may seem like a very private matter to her, especially if she is bi-curious and embarrassed about it.

rather than approaching it out of the blue, maybe wait till she does or says something that strikes you as seeming a little bit 'bi', and then bring it up? then again, if she's your partner, there's no reason you couldn't bring the topic up at any time. and if you're wrong, i mean, you were just curious, no harm in that.

Or maybe just bring up the broader topic of "taboo turn-ons". that's a great conversation to have with a lover, can really get the ball rolling on letting both of you explore the things you find most fun

[Hiram]

Yes, it could well be in my head. Before I met her, she was quite happy to masturbate to men’s porn mags, which, maybe other women do, but this was just one of many things I’d noticed that made me ask questions in my head.

I think she is more likely to be ‘bi-curious’, and probably embarrassed about it. I have said many times how enlightened I am to sexuality when it has ever come up in conversation, and how I feel open whatever your preference.  But she’s never come out and said she is or isn’t.

I feel she maybe doesn’t want to scare me off, even though I’ve said it wouldn’t.

Although, she has mentioned about a female friend she knows, and seems to know great detail about her sexual preferences. This could be two women just happy to share intimate thoughts, but I don’t think it is, I think they may slept together.

I will try asking her about what her turn-on’s are. I’ve said I wouldn’t mind a threesome, she doesn’t really respond either way.  Not sure what that tells me to be honest.

[Bad Kitty]

Yes, it could well be in my head. Before I met her, she was quite happy to masturbate to men’s porn mags, which, maybe other women do, but this was just one of many things I’d noticed that made me ask questions in my head.

I think she is more likely to be ‘bi-curious’, and probably embarrassed about it. I have said many times how enlightened I am to sexuality when it has ever come up in conversation, and how I feel open whatever your preference.  But she’s never come out and said she is or isn’t.

I feel she maybe doesn’t want to scare me off, even though I’ve said it wouldn’t.

Although, she has mentioned about a female friend she knows, and seems to know great detail about her sexual preferences. This could be two women just happy to share intimate thoughts, but I don’t think it is, I think they may slept together.

I will try asking her about what her turn-on’s are. I’ve said I wouldn’t mind a threesome, she doesn’t really respond either way.  Not sure what that tells me to be honest.

well if she masturbates to playboy (rather than playgirl)... um, that's probably not all in your head  

also, she's never said she "wasn't" bi... when given the opportunity to clarify the matter. Just kinda no-response. which is something people do when they are nervous or scared of the how their answer would be received. i've done that before, when i was first being outed many years ago, and people would ask. I was just kinda catatonic on the topic.

her knowledge about her friend's sexual preferences may just be the intimate knowledge of girltalk between close friends. but it could just as easily be that she has first hand knowledge. could go either way on that one.

all in all though, I don't think it's all in your head

not sure if asking for a threesome would be wise though. particularly right after any admission of being bi. the topic for her would be mainly about the issue of coming out of the closet to you, and that's more than enough emotional content for one day (or week, or more). plus she may have all of this kinda 'compartmentalized' psychologically. if discussing it with you is hard for her, sharing the experience with you will be harder still, at least right now. I'd definitely put any threesome talk on the back burner for a while. For now I'd just focus on getting to know what she really likes, and how she feels about her more secret sexual interests, reassure her that you're understanding, and cool with everything, etc.

but that's all just kinda playing the odds, as to where she's coming from. i don't know her, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt

[pedonbio]

Hiram, let me talk about my personal failings. I am no damn good at bringing this stuff up with women. I have lived these 66 years just waiting for them to tell me whatever they feel like telling me. She's already told you about spanking the bonobo (Like spanking the money, but a bit different), so I'm guessing she doesn't feel all that shy. In my experience that is a big step for women, though that may have changed.

I'd just stay open and listen. Frankly, it sounds like she's more bi-curious than anything--I agree, with deepest respect, with BK.

[MasterDragonfly]

cherri has been quite open to such discussions. Little point derailing this thread to talk about those discussions, but suffice it to say there's no question at all that she's bicurious and, given the right opportunity, she would gladly hit it.

not sure if asking for a threesome would be wise though.

+1

If anything (and I'm not sure that this is necessarily a good proposal), you could suggest that if she wants to have fun with a woman one-on-one, that you'd support her doing so. Assuming safe circumstances, of course. (This itself opens a separate discussion, so I'll stop here.)

[pedonbio]

One week until Hiram returns...