I don't know how to do this, but I feel it has to be done, so please bear with me. The origins of my connection with Al were similar to ROS, but they started a little bit earlier. I refused to get a computer; felt I didn't need one, I had WebTV for the 'Net, a standalone word processor and a CD player for music. But then I encountered the prolificness of Al.
Via my WebTV, I stumbled on an early incarnation of the BEA...the popup days (remember those?) and discovered a font of BE stories. For a guy like me who often valued the stories of BE and large breasts over "real world" pictorials this was akin to Heaven on Earth. I read classics like "Dr. Hooters" and "Sadira", of course, but then there was one series of stories(a rarity in a genre known for far too many uncompleted stories) that stood out from the rest. It was St. Cat's.
I read the beginnings of this group of English schoolgirls with ridiculous sounding names, chemical concotions that never seemed to do what they were suppose to do and Al's pure brilliance and unashamed English take on the genre and wanted more. I was a Feen for this stuff! But my WebTV wasn't. Al's stories were too long. I would get to the good part (okay, the gooder part)only to encounter a "Too Long To Continue" (paraphrasing) message. I had to read these stories as the author intended it, so I bought a computer.
Did you get that? I LOVED this man's work so much that I took a sizable chunk of change (for me anyway)just so I could see, to paraphrase Paul Harvey, "The rest of his stories". And, to me, it was worth the expense.
So, I read Al's works and those of other early BE writers, clicked on some banners and got inspired. Actually, it was more a spirit of indebtedness that started my BE writing. Reading all these GREAT stories, I felt like I owed these writers something. Money would've been nice, of course, but I did just buy that computer!
And giving feedback? Well, when was the last time you thanked your favorite BE artist/author? Ditto.
So, I tried my hand at the genre. I blended Michael Jackson(pre-[censored] molester trials), the Midas touch, BE, of course and wrote a little ditty I called "The Gloved One". It got a few favorable e-mail responses which Al later told me was rare. But, more importantly to me, it also got a good review from R&D. I mean, Al was giving guys 1/2 exclamation points, so you better believed I had my Sally Fields at the Oscars moment. "He liked me, he really liked me".
I was stoked. So stoked that I apparently went a tad bit insane and decided to write a BE horror story. Uh, who here likes blood and guts with their BE? Didn't think so.
But I was insane remember. I had worked hard on "Carrie-The BE Version", even harder that I did on "The Gloved One" and just knew that I would get an even higher rating from Al. I didn't and had to find out why; thus I wrote to Al and pretty much demanded that he justify not seeing the masterwork that I had bequeathed on the BE scene.
That started my e-mail relationship with Al.
Quick note: R2D2, another legend in our little community who died before his time, wrote to me respectfully about the violence of "Carrie" and his displeasure with it. I wrote back, of course, and encountered another beautiful soul that I otherwise wouldn't have...so who knows, maybe a little blood and guts mixed with BE isn't so bad. In moderation, of course!
My e-mail relationship with Al was unique. I bounced ideas off him (being more of an idea man than writer). "Keeping Up With The Joneses", for example, one of his Axo stories was based off an idea of mine(just read the first page). My story, "Aunt's Advice" inspired Axo's "Fred Experiment". His "Emma and Dee-Dee From Upstairs" inspired my story, "The Magic Touch". His Christmas editions of R&D compelled a couple of seasonal tales from me. And his prolificness, God that man was prolific, inspired my story "A Little Motivation". But that was the public side of our relationship if you will. Behind the scenes, I did something that I called "commenting". Al would send me installments of his works in progress and I would basically comment on what I liked, disliked, wanted more of, etc. It was heaven. Getting Al's work before anyone else and knowing that I was playing a hand in shaping it. I've done similar things on occasions with ROS, Joe Average and Hunter S. Creek, but never to the degree with Al's work.
But he was so DAMNED prolific. As much as I loved his work, I just couldn't keep up with the commenting. I would start off exchanging one e-mail with Al. Then he would write another section of the story, which would create another e-mail. And eventually, I would be bouncing back about five or six e-mails with Al. And these weren't short e-mails. All the meticulous stuff that ROS got from Al, I tried to include in my commenting. No, off the cuff monosyllabic responses from me. I wrote detailed, lengthy responses but with none of Al's speed in thought and writing. Sometimes a single e-mail might take an hour of my time and I had six of them to respond to. I remember being a security guard at an all boy's school with a computer, taking Al's e-mails to work just so I would have time to respond to his prolificness. And that was the problem, commenting was turning into a job. But I so wanted to read Al's work, but I couldn't handle the commenting. I was torn. I sucked it up for awhile. You want to play, Adrian (read the stories), then you have to pay (in time, thought and energy by commenting). But the time demand was just too much. So, I did a ploy that I repeated several times over our relationship. I told Al that due to personal reasons that I had to drop off the 'Net. I hated lying to the man. He was my friend and mentor, but I didn't know what else to do. How could I tell him that one of the things I liked the most about him--his prolific writing--was taking up too much of my time and energy? I tried everything I could to slow him down but writing came so easy for him that no matter how I approached the commenting I eventually got overwhelmed.
I noticed without my commenting that Al didn't publish as many stories as he used to. Barrowclough and his sister (or vice-versa) went on the back burner. Axo's output slowed and soon it was all down to those last Cat's stories. The whole BE writing scene seemed to slow without Al's massive contributions. I blamed myself, but c'mon, my commenting wasn't that important. Was it?
Eventually, I returned to the 'Net (even though I never left). I avoided asking Al about any new stories (partly out of shame from lying to him but also because I didn't want to start the snowball of commenting rolling).
AND THIS WAS ALL I HAD BACKUPPED.
I had posted more words from my heart and they got deleted. I can't remember what all I wrote and trying to recapture what I was feeling...it just makes me furious. Al KNOWS and for me that's enough.
I'm sorry.
Adrian Burns