Pittsburgh outings

[DruulEmpire]

I get two pictures of Tanya (the Polaroid age of Memphis Monroe is sadly gone), one with me in the werewolf mask and one out, and I pick up an 8x10 of her as well.

So I'm thinking, This may be as good as this week gets, and I'm considering leaving -- when in bursts Heidi!  I apologize to her for Monday, and after some business upstairs she comes back down and we have out own booth dance.  Oddly revelatory (beyond the usual nudity): turns out her name is Aisha (at least it sounds that way) and that she's considering retiring from dancing, maybe around her birthday in May.  You can barely find a hotter, or younger-looking, MILF type, but that's her decision.  At least she's also had some success belly dancing.  We make tentative plans to meet up again around Xmas.

So that was my early Halloween, and it worked out pretty well, with only two regrets: I was never able to hang out long enough to have a shot at meeting Ricki Raxxx, and I never felt moved to try out any of the newer girls.  It's enough to make me wonder if I could just hang around upstairs with the champagne rooms and recruit girls as they sunter by.  Maybe for Xmas ...

[Hoogleboogle]

That's sounded like a fun time.

There are hardly ever feature dancers in my city. And when there are, it's usually not a lady who interests me -- It's always something like a naked magician or a naked comedian or something.

Later this month, a porn star named Alexis Texas will feature at a club in St. Louis (I'm in Kansas City.)
She doesn't have big boobs, but if she let me give her a spank then I might drive over if I have nothing to do that weekend.

[DruulEmpire]

We're all just doing what we can, Hoogle.

I've decided I've been fortunate to make this club part of my life.  Yeah, I know that sounds trite and superobvious this late in the thread, but always in the back of my mind I figured "Eh, my life is rather off-kilter and this is therapeutic."  At last I figure, Fuck therapy, this ought to be part of a man's education.  I like it as is because it's about the selling of sexuality rather than sex; sexuality is exploited so much in the selling of everything else that the very idea of sexuality getting showcased PURELY FOR ITS OWN SAKE (well, that plus the "Oh yeah, I go to that bar because of the drinks they serve" cover story) is mildly revolutionary.  Of course, if I'd been wise enough to dream up the "Sorry, but I'm in Columbus now" excuse much earlier I might be a tad richer today, but no matter.  The hell of it is, I suspect these visits in toto are more satisfying and less expensive than some marriages out there.  I don't know how the fuck Albert (the owner -- he recently won some sort of national award) does it, but he has a knack for snatching up the hottest women, and area club reviewers testify to that, something along the lines of "This and that place have these great features -- but the girls at Blush are hotter."

Case in point: Natalya.  (Yes, another of my pseudonyms, my paper-thin attempt to keep a little anonymity to all this.)  Who's Natalya?  I didn't know myself till last night, which I figured would simply be my saying Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to hot German Heidi.  HAH!  The club definitely had other plans for me ...

[DruulEmpire]

So I'm there a little early (at last, nice snowman-making weather here in the Burgh, and yet it doesn't really slow the buses down much at all), figuring I'll just catch Columbia and Heidi (see past posts) and I'm sitting at the bar nursing my Sam Adams contemplating the so-so dancing, when this woman with this really glamorous wide-eyed lip-glossed face, intense without being overdone, walks right up to me and squeezes my arm and ask if she can sit by me, and I look at her and the first thing I wonder is "What the hell is Eliza Dushku doing in this place?"  (And no, it's not like I'm a big Eliza fan, I've been aware of her but somehow never felt riveted by her -- until now).  We inform each other quickly enough: turns out this Natalya is a new hire, just been there one month, and she's from Russia, though the accent is very faint.  So we chat, and she tells me she needs to tell me a secret, so she leans forward and breathes hotly into my ear, at which I point I figure, Let's go upstairs and discuss this secret of yours.

Not sure how she latched onto me so passionately -- truth to tell, she seems thorougly mercenary, and I was not looking at all that prosperous that night, no trenchcoat, none of that.  Then again, the club has been slightly slower of late, men still come but the Great Recession causes them to beg off taking a dance -- all the better for me, of course, because I never go without being loaded for bare, cashwise.  And it was to be quite an expensive night ...

[DruulEmpire]

Maybe it's just me, but even a hot woman can pour it on too much.  Natalya was all about the sex, which of course can be fine, but she was also about the sex cliches, which can be, Ehh.  It's a matter of personal taste, and you have to advise such women, tailor them to your needs.  She stripped down to panties pretty quickly -- nothing that amazing by BEA standards but still totally respectable -- and not that long into the dry hump she made "big dick" noises.  Thing is, I've a perfectly standard caliber weapon down there; back during my Project Perversity experiment (see past posts), I had fun faking the girls out, but that got to be too much bother and I had gathered enough data, so I went back to good old me.  But I always figure, it's sweet to say so.  Trouble is, she then started calling me Daddy, and that gets me antsy even in writing, when I catch it in our Addventure or over at CHYOO2, so I get her (with mixed success) to try the nice neutral "baby" instead.

I love women's egos, because they're so damn sure they can get a man off, pow, just like that.  Natalya kept riding me hard before I could finally calm her down and explain, no, it's not going to happen, but I'd be interested in her going after her own pleasure.  So that she did ...

[DruulEmpire]

I like to think I have some sense, at long last, of a genuine female orgasm.  There was the time I was with Nolin the Czech Chick (by the way, update on her status forthcoming in this report!) and she got very quiet and concentrated and laid herself against me at an odd angle and then I felt this nice spasm that seemed to emanante from deep within her body -- now that sold me.  Natalya didn't quite sell me, but she made a valiant effort, willing to groan at ever louder and higher octaves (a gutsy or perhaps just naive thing to do, with the door left slightly ajar), and after all her theatrics it was sweet to have her just lie still against me in a semblance of "Whew, I'm exhausted."  Later I was to learn from other girls that Natalya was not only quite the maneater but even a little bullying about it, claiming to be Yolanda (see past posts) but even hotter.  I hope she loses the trash talk and paces herself.  All in all, though, it was a great session.

So I'm back down, and not much later my red queen Columbia makes it in, she's momentarily waylaid by some guy but we make eye contact and soon she's hanging with me.  Columbia is the eye of my hurricane, I may never take her upstairs but she's sort of my compass as I navigate the club.  Later, I'll have a hard time explaining this to Elwell (Spoiler alert: Elwell herself was not scheduled for that night but showed anyway!  Told you it was expensive.) who figures Columbia does "something special" for me, but seriously, we just hang and talk and rub against each other, nothing more kinky than my giving her ass a vigorous rubbing to help warm it up ... 

[DruulEmpire]

Not long after my dance and club intelligence report from Columbia, I notice another new girl, been around not much longer than Natalya, let's call her Daquiri.  Very neatly cut brunette bangs, sharp clear pretty face, she seems game enough, so I test drive her.  I'm not sure she's really that into it, or knows much beyond three basic positions, but she's pretty and earnest and she may come in handy in a pinch sometime later.

Then, at last, the real reason I've dragged myself here through the snow: the all-too-soon-retiring Heidi.  She's sharing the stage with some blonde, she's in what's supposed to be a "Latina **04**" outfit, but she immediately picks me out and asks if we can get in a dance.  Now that's cool, when you're the one getting propositioned.  So soon we're alone, and along with her wonderful face and wonderful hair Heidi once more unbras her wonderful breasts, so natural and full and pendulous, always marvelous, and as ever she doesn't mind my having full play with them.

It gets a bit interesting, because she's in a very contemplative mood.  She says she has enjoyed everything about America, but is still a European at heart and hankers to get back to Germany.  She's also wondering about herself, like the universal "Am I too fat?" question, and I say that the thing about her, some women are at their best built a little thick and she's one of them, but eh, she still has doubts.  She even wonders if her legs are too short, and we have a good laugh over that, because it's clear I don' care and she knows it and has fun with that.  Anyhow, I confirm information about how her schedule for 2010 looks, so that I can try to arrange vacation time around it.


And that should have been it, and could have been it, because I finally had to pay cover charge to get back into the club, and I had to wonder, For what, idle curiosity?  But reenter I did ...  

[DruulEmpire]

And there she is, finishing up in the corner cage (so I guess she was just on stage), my nemesis, my Haitian Kryptonite: Elwell.  So of course I go to her, and of course she looks as great as ever, with her amazing sparkling eyes and air of catlike scheming.  So I'm figuring, my cash stash is going fast, get in maybe a song or two with her -- but damn it, it will not suffice, I'm in with her one dance and I know I've got to get her upstairs.  Along the way she points out to me her little dog kept in a kind of master "girls only" room, and I can only think, Yup, that's me.  So we get to rubbing and talking, I perversely ask for both ginger ale and champagne, and she updates me on Nolin the missing Czech Chick.  It comes up as things get steamier, as I tell her she's the only woman (there, anyway) who's ever made me come, that there have been mighty contenders but only one Elwell.  I tell her about Natalya -- doesn't surprise her in the least, Natalya has swiftly racked up a rather negative or lamentable reputation -- but also the times that women orgasmed for me, like when Summer Leigh headlined there, and of course Nolin.  Whereupon she told me that Nolin has been banned from the business, but hopefully in a happy way, because one customer had a monster crush on her and she married him.  Thing is, she wasn't around that long, and she couldn't have gotten hitched not long after she climaxed on top of me, so I figure "She was ready to mate."  This talk must be heating her up because she suddenly FRENCH KISSES me.  It's been ages since I had a good French -- it's a bit tentative, I don't get to suck her breath in, it's mainly dueling tongues.  But still!

I tell Elwell that Neytiri in "Avatar" weirdly reminds me of her, so she'll check it out -- and there's a New Year's Eve party in her honor at another place, and I may check that out.  So all in all it was one very heady night, but I felt very much The Man once more, and that was what counted.

[DruulEmpire]

I'd kill to fuck Elwell's brains out.

Are the women in my life comprising a pyramid?  Consider: the first one was a menage a trois with my best friend's girl, and she in turn introduced me to three more.  So the first four I got secondhand, with no paticular effort on my part.  Then I finally began to date actively around age 30, and that led me to three women, two of whom were fine in their way, but I look back and see that we were mainly bored and lonely and only somewhat compatible.  Elwell, however, takes the whole mating issue to a new level.  Will there be another fling with another no less sensational woman, and then at last someone who could stand to marry me, hopefully long before I turn 70?  4, 3, 2 (though just the one so far), 1 ... makes sense to me.  Of course, I know that Elwell is not the One -- but a man could do far worse.  But first, the backstory.

So I'm at my favorite club for the last night of 2009, and Elwell is already on stage as soon as I walk in.  Hooking up is a bit of a comedy of errors, though, and so that leaves me wide open to a very nicely aggressive Yolanda (she being the seriously hot Russian who just got done wearing Santa gear for club promotions) wondering why I don't have a hat or something -- hey, if something is appropriate to New Year's, I'll wear it.  So I get in some songs with her, and she's more than usually obliging with smothering me in her very nicely augmented cleavage, and by the time I get out Elwell is available once more ...

[DruulEmpire]

I get Elwell for an hour, and once more our sexual combustibility gets the better of us, and for the hundredth time I wonder, how should it be me?  Maybe the relationship is intense enough to get her to consider a kind of "affair."  Her boyfriend is actually in the club at the time, she points him out to me and I think he's sort of like Max in "Armageddon."  But our entanglement is as wary and furtive as ever, and I still wish I could have gotten her into a suite at the Omni William Penn in 2008, but oh well.

The cooldown, though, is sweet.  She gives me a full body massage, and braids and unbraids my hair, and she talks to me about drinking plenty of water and trying rice pilaf and pita bread.  It is then that it hits me: she is very nearly my geisha.

Weirder still, she seems worried by life.  Her, worried by life?  A young sleek successful model and one-line actress, a party machine like her?  She tells me that maybe she'll become an accountant.  Oh, how I'd love to hire her -- as an accountant, a masseuse, a chauffeur ... a geisha.

She says "I love you," which blindsides me, so after a second's hesitation I say "I adore you," which I think is the more accurate and just description of how I feel.  The last woman I tried "I love you" on, it didn't matter to her.  The phrase is important to me, I want it to mean more than "I love you like I love muenster cheese."  So we part nicely, and I go back down to see one of my veteran favorite headliners, Brandi Morgan ...

[DruulEmpire]

Brandi continues to be your cute busty blonde fantasy come to life.  The show is simple enough, she's still plenty athletic but she basically just goes up and down the stage leading off with "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It," and it all winds up with her playing (*sigh*) cooterball -- although I actually win this time.  She drapes her panties over my face during the first dance, another souvenir.

Weirdly enough, the "Polaroid" has made a comeback, in the form of the digital camera Fujifilm InstaX which basically brings back the old Polaroid experience.  She asks "Would you like to Fuji me?" and I say that coming from her, that sounds REALLY naughty.  I get a hands-on-breasts Fuji of her and I get a couple of songs alone with her.  She promises to return in April and possibly August.

After that I meet up with my Red Queen, Columbia, who is sporting off-the-shoulder costuming very nicely.  I get in my songs with her and an pleasantly shocked when she says "We need to go upstairs."  So I make it a date, I tell her that I'll take her upstairs on Saturday.

And speaking of Saturday ...

[DruulEmpire]

Here's my confession: after being properly luhhhhved by Elwell and Columbia and Brandi Morgan on Thursday, I was looking for a hoochie slut experience on Saturday.  Natalya, the man-eater Russian from a couple of weeks ago, was online scheduled, so I figured, perfect, I'll get her upstairs and put her through basic training.  But Natalya never showed, and instead some new girls looked me up, which was nice'n'all but nothing sufficiently exciting happened with them for me to report, it was just going through motions. 

My evening wasn't really salvaged until Columbia showed up, and we went upstairs -- but it was pretty calm and basic.  I figure she was mainly interested in the space heater and the champagne.

But I did find Tara Reid Sober herself, Paige, and as I'd sworn to in the past I got her upstairs for some serious dry-humping, and that she did and she's damn good at it, complete with tigerish eyes within a fantasy cheerleader face with cascading blonde hair. Paige did great -- but somehow an edge was still missing to the evening, an edge which perhaps Natalya could have delivered if she had shown.

So all in all it was a successful combination of birthday and New Year's.  I don't know how many more of these I have left in me, because I'm basically creating memories, and I already like what I've got.  But maybe I can get Columbia and Yolanda and Elwell and Brandi Morgan all together in one room for one hour one year from now -- now that could be worth saving pennies for.

[Q_BE]

I think I like this thread.

I'll definitely have to remember to hit you up when I visit Pittsburgh in the future, Druul, if only for the experience of going clubbing with you.

Q-"Of course you'll show me the best?"-BE

[DruulEmpire]

First, thanks again to any real live human readers out there who have boosted the views-to-posts ratio on this all-text thread to 237:1.  I've just come back from a kind of "belated Valentine" tour of the club, expensive but (for me anyway) historic.  But first a word.

It is clear to me that it really matters if a club is run well.  The girls need to know that they can rely on security and will be dealt with equitably.  There will always be incidents and complaints and occasional rowdy customers, but so long as this is within the context of a tightly run ship, these are both infrequent and bearable.  I recognize and respect that, and for my part I always prefer to play nice.  Weirdly enough for a place with so much way-out-there nudity and humor, discretion matters.

Some men may not want that.  They'd prefer some getaway, that is to say, some place where they can get away with anything.  So they might prefer a club run more sloppily.  Trouble is, I think they'll find a generally sadder crew of girls there.  So it's a trade-off.  Also, I've really only made myself a kind of an expert on one club.  Club Exotica is still a big deal, and there's a new place calling itself Cheerleaders, trying to claim "We're not so sleazy" but basically repackaging the same situation, maybe with more of the non-erotic live entertainment, like in the olden days.  But I'm a loyalist, if only because I've become loyal to my girls, and I even care a little about them.


So I'm not likely to go sharing this easily.  I was very much looking forward to somehow getting together with fellow Pittsburgher berkovw, but I think he's had to close this particular chapter of his life right now.  Still, there are others around here who I might extend an invitation to in a spirit of long-earned camaraderie -- and they're free to stop by and ask.  But hitting this club is a very particular thing, with ladies I particularly like, so I would reserve a right to screen.  Can just any of the thousands of members here assume I'll be their guide?  No way.  I prefer to share people I like with other people I like.  There's no one here I really hate, but I do reserve the right to choose my friends.

Besides which, Give Me Corporations or Give Me Death, I would not consider myself a true expert on any kind of "Pittsburgh scene."  There are many clubs to choose from, and I can't even vouch for all the women at the one club, if only because the "stable" is revolving all the time.  Most lamentably, I've just learned that "Heidi" retires on June 4, and if you follow this thread all the way through you'll see that others have packed up and gone.  You may, in short, do perfectly fine looking around on your own -- choosing your own kind of club, looking for your own kind of girl.

There are very few people, in life let alone clubs, of whom I can tell a girl "If you like me, you'll like him."  My "brand" is a very specific thing and I nurture it seriously -- and when I finally do make my official report, I hope you will begin to see why.

[DruulEmpire]

I call it a good evening when four sexy women all make a grab for your cock.  There was a fifth who did not, but seeing as she still managed to be sweet and lovely and naked, and extra-bosomy besides, I do not hold that against her, so to speak.

I think it says something about my favorite girls that I went down Thursday night ostensibly to catch Shyla Stylez but simply never bothered to actually do that.  I wound up hanging around till just after 11, which in club time (Shyla was scheduled for 10:30, which in actual time probably came to 11) was probably about right, but by then I didn't care -- and besides, I've seen her before, as recorded earlier in this thread.

This was probably my single biggest night with Natalya.  I sat there awhile with my Sam Adams Lite (I usually don't do lite but it was the only Sam in stock, and not bad) and then noticed the Eliza Dushku beauty in purple chatting up a man to my immediate right.  It wasn't long fbefore that fizzled out and she came over to me and grabbed my ass.  Ever since the odd misfire of the last time, I made up my mind that I would at least take charge of the situation and put her through some training, so we rather quickly retired upstairs to get on with that.

Here's the one most salient feature about Natalya: NO ONE SEEMS TO ACTUALLY LIKE HER.  Later I hooked up with Yolanda and one handler told me "VERY good choice," and then later with Heidi and he said "EXCELLENT choice," but you just don't get any points around that club for trying Natalya.  (A shame too: I liked the Natalya played by Izabella Scorupco in "GoldenEye," but oh well.)  The ultimate comment on Natalya got made by my sweetheart of the evening -- but patience, patience.  Suffice it to say that she freaked out at shadows skulking around outside our champagne room door, and insisted on renegotiating our money and time with the handler in charge even though I was cool with it.  (The handler even got me a free beer to smooth things over.)

Look, I know she's heartless and mercenary and argumentative and just plain bad -- but, like I say, I wanted at least one shot at putting her through some training.  I trained her in usage of the word "stud" and how to slip it into a sentence.  We also discussed the usage of "cock" as opposed to "dick" and ways to talk about it.  The single best development of this was this Eliza Dushku Gone Evil riding me good and long and hard -- and with my pants still on, I have to clarify, a lot of planting herself over my hard bulge -- and going for four nicely dramatic orgasms.  Ordinarily I care whether a woman actually gets off, but with Natalya I don't have to, because she really does a bang-up job expressing one (which may, I suppose, have inspired some of that door-skulking.)  However --

 

[DruulEmpire]

-- my cock kinda-sorta got sprained.  She rode me a little too hard a little too insensitively -- even now it has an unusually pinkish area.  It made for an interesting topic of discussion as the evening wore on.

First, I had a couple of simple booth dances with Yolanda.  Why have I never turned on so hard to Yolanda before?  Just about every other man seems too.  She's lovely enough, playful enough, busty enough, exotic enough -- hell, she retains a far better trace of Russian acent than Natalya -- but I think this was the evening when I really, really, at long last "got it" about Yolanda, because she swiftly caught on that any deft handling of my weapon was causing me a twinge of discomfort, and she very nicely and sweetly asked me what was wrong, and I confessed to Natalya getting four orgasms off me.  So she simply flowed up naked against me and smoldered very nicely, asking at one point if Natalya had my cock in her pussy, and I explained No.  (Elwell was the only one to manage that, and I would never tell.)  It was then that I finally realized: dammit, I should get in half an hour with Yolanda.

Coming up: one of my last engagements with the great Heidi before she leaves for Germany, and for good, come June, a surprise reunion with a hottie I think last seen in 2007, and a VERY special evening with Elwell.

[DruulEmpire]

Heidi was looking a little sad even as she was dancing.  For one thing, they were doing the double-up, having her dance along with some girl I don't remember very well, I think she was Indian.  Normally I'm enchanted with the Indian girls down in Zookie's off-topic thread, but I don't think this girl would have made it there.  Heidi needs even a little exclusive attention, especially as the audience already makes a point of acting jaded.  So I was happy to focus on her on stage and over in the cage.  She wore a nice skimpy sky-blue outfit that looked as good coming off as it did off altogether.  It sounds to me like she's resigning herself more and more to leaving come June 4, but also to trying to take her belly dancing more seriously.  (She's heading to Germany ... wonder if she would have any interest in meeting Beshine?  Heidi mainly hails from the Munich area.)  So we had a good session.  Heidi has always been cool with my handling her large full breasts, but I'm also happy to compliment her voluptuous milfy figure.  Seriously, other girls there openly envy her curvaceousness.  And she took my e-mail address!  We'll see if anything comes of that -- and if I can get in one more session with her later this spring.

Coming down the elevator from Cindy, I bumped into no less than Elwell as she was coming up to the dressing room, looking very glam already and carrying her little dog.  So already I knew I had to stay around.


Some girls actually talk themselves out of dancing with me.  One came up to me, and I said something about my having had a busy evening so far, and poof, she took that as an automatic dismissal.  Whereas another girl I'd had back in 2007, Antonia (see far above), came up to me, and I confessed that I was hanging out for Elwell, but we kept talking and we got a dance anyway.  So you see, it's all in the attitude ...

[DruulEmpire]

With any luck, someone out there has noticed that I never did get around to the Elwell report.  The time with Elwell was special, and she's special, but I look back and I better appreciate it as simply one more walk down the hall of illusions.

I go up with her and we talk and it turns out we have something in common after all.  Me, I'm a schlub looking after a man with mental retardation and a history of explosive violence, and this week I'll be back to my rather parental role of getting him up, medicated, dressed, serving him breakfast, all that.  Turns out Elwell is very much stuck having to play nurse and mommy to that construction millionaire with the shadowy connections.  At one point in his life he got shot thirteen times(!!!) and he recently had another operation which left him temporarily invalid, and so she's had to nursemaid the guy.  There is something unusually sweet and loving in this woman.

I've written out a belated valentine, to try to impress myself on her memory -- but now, nearly a month later, I'm thinking, this woman, these women, are so much in the Now that someone would have to be really stupendous to win their devotion.  It's sweet enough that they treat me so well whenever I show back up.  (Top secret stuff here: Elwell says that Columbia was briefly and recently married.  My red queen tried to marry herself off!?  But I can't talk with her about it, argh.)  I drop the L-bomb -- I explain how I couldn't quite say "I love you" before, but I do now.  The woman has been a key part of my sexual sustenance and rehabilitation (no, I didn't phrase it that way).  But I said someday in the future, when I or even she no longer goes to the club, that we may meet and be friends and, who knows, I may even be of some good to her ... 

[DruulEmpire]

Elwell and I obviously love movies, each of us in our own way, and somehow to love Elwell is to love the plucky dreams of every Pittsburgher who wants even a split second (sometimes literally that) in a major motion picture.  2010 will make four movies that Elwell has managed to appear in, most of them pretty silly or bad, but I will dutifully go to them and perk up when she appears.  I don't say the "silly or bad" part either -- in fact, the one candid thing I slip in which gets a laugh from her is when I confess "you burn a hole in my wallet."  When the waitress come up with our drinks, Elwell tries to make a woman-to-woman appeal to her about this, but the waitress says "Every woman does that" and Elwell complains "You're supposed to be helping me here."

She orders some special shots, which are sort of wasted on me -- I don't really "explore" alcohol -- but I appreciate the slice of lime, and I'm thankful to get on with the champagne.  It's a sweet time with her, and even now I can't quite focus on it all, it was a bit like a dream, but I do know that she pronounced my cock "adorable" once more and seemed really ticked off that Natalya had sprained it -- so ticked off that she asked my permission to tell Natalya that Elwell could cook and eat my balls if I ever messed with Natalya again.  Elwell was nice enough to say it was cool to also see Columbia and Yolanda -- but Natalya, nuh-uh.  Somehow I appreciated the savagery of such a pact -- and even the license to turn down Natalya.  Elwell and Yolanda want my cock healthy and pain-free and strong.  If only I could feel that more of womankind cared about that.

And that more or less concludes this report.  April?  Maybe.

[DruulEmpire]

First, another note of appreciation to all the actual human eyeballs out there which have boosted this to a 243:1 views-to-posts ratio.  (243, that three to the fifth power, dang.)  I have to admit, things are mushing together a bit -- I figure I must have made a visit in April but it's not impressing itself upon me that much.  I hope it involved Columbia.

Perhaps the biggest news is that after nearly 10,000 posts of being doggedly textual, I am now approaching the brink of bringing something visual, and it will probably be right here on this thread.  Item one is that Elwell has done so well with her acting and modeling that she has launched her own website, which is still getting fixed up.  So for anyone who actually wants some idea of her and what she looks like, they could PM me and I'll show them where to look.  Item two is that Heidi does indeed retire and leave for Europe this week, but we had a very nice session -- well, more on that later, but suffice it to say that I may finally get a picture from her, and then I'll be only a scanner away from sharing her.

This time around I decided to go early, setting myself down a couple minutes to noon.  The veteran blonde bartender Karen recognized me and served me, and I just hung out for an hour as the place warmed up.  It got to feeling VERY warm of course when Heidi showed up, and she came over and sat with me and I got her a couple of drinks.  She noticed me scribbling away and, God help me, I got to talking with her a little about science fiction, which I don't think she's really into ... 

[DruulEmpire]

She dances. I feed her singles, I drink and talk with her some more, and then I take her upstairs for an hour.  Her humility is stunning?  Me, upstairs?  For an hour?  I daresay that if any of you had the time and money and option with this bosomy beauty your own feeling might be Hell, yeah!  So we go up and hang out.

Ah, separation anxiety.  She's made a kind of home and family at the club and here in Pittsburgh and counts these past few years as some of the best in her life.  (Stunning, when you think that so many of us Pittsburghers live here all our lives and are hard pressed to recall any particularly great years.)  It seems that she will become a summer camp supervisor out in the Black Forest near the Czech border.  (At least, that's how it sounded to me, any geographers there could cross-check me.)  Heidi running a summer camp -- blown is my mind.  Evidently there's also some big event, I guess down in her homeland, the Munich area, with bigshots in attendance and she'll be an entertainer as a belly dancer, that's coming up in September.  But it's a new chapter in the book of her life (her actual words) and there's a natural sadness upon leaving.  In fact, I wind up getting a lot of personal data from her -- her name (VERY Turkish), her cell phone numbers, and her e-mail.  There's a chance that she may come back to Pittsburgh from time to time and she would like to do lunch with me.  Now there's a nifty concept: lunch with Heidi.  So we have our hour (her tanned body looks so great getting in and out of her white bikini lingerie) and we go back down, and I feed her singles when she's back on stage and I remain at the stage ...

[DruulEmpire]

This is where a couple of blondes figure into this.  Between brunette Heidi and the dark Elwell (I don't think Elwell ever would -- or should -- try the whole "Beyonce blonde highlights" thing) the blondes were sort of a lull and I won't even give them aliases.  Blonde #1 was built more thickly than I usually like, with not so much on top, but she had a cute babydoll look going for her and a fun attitude so I test drove her in a booth.  A little later a slender, athletic, cheery Blonde #2 turned up on stage, so I test drove her as well, though she was a bit jangling and awkward and really didn't get into a flow of the dance, but my curiosity was piqued and so I satisfied it.

Finally, three hours into my visit, Elwell showed -- but first, some backstory.  Elwell has, shall we say in cautious BEAese, a certain social networking page.  First, she apologized via e-mail that I could not yet sign up on her website with my Visa, and I joked in reply that once I saw her most of her Visa expense would get covered.  Later, I sent her a poem.  I haven't written anyone a poem in ages, but it seemed right.  It was a pretty straightforward prose thing, some humor thrown in -- I guess I wrote it because it might have wound up as a letter, but letters can be dreary, so I figured, Jazz it up as a poem.  It was a risk -- would she interpret it wrong? would the very idea of poetry somehow turn her off? -- but I felt secure enough in the relationship to try.  Well, it turned out she never got to read it, because her boyfriend has turned psycho-jealous once more so she had to delete it -- but that didn't matter so much, because I just happened to bring the original scribbles with me. 

[DruulEmpire]

She comes out on stage and, God love her, she's wearing some snug shirt-as-skirt that I recognize from her online photos.  (It turns out it's swag from that shoot; along with pay, sometimes she gets to walk off with cool clothes.)  It's got vertical black and white stripes and I love how businesslike it seems, and yet the curviness of her body rebels agains the stripes, actually bursting wide open for her subtly enhanced bust.  Anyhow, she sees me and calls me "her love" and we quickly sort out that I'll get her upstairs and read her the poem in person.

The first half of the hour is mainly talk, as we have catching up to do.  I read her the poem "I Shouldn't See You" (but of course it winds up saying that I SHOULD see her) and she's kind of knocked out by it, which is good.  She confesses that things are going crazy between a personal trainer who's acting too nice and her jealous boyfriend who's in construction.  She's tempted to just plain run away to get away from "the Mafia shit," as she calls it.  She has good friends on the West Coast, so she would probably go out there.

So there are slight parallels between Heidi and Elwell.  One is leaving, the other may go.  They have also envied each other: Heidi tells me how great Elwell's body is, how tight it is and how it has a great butt, while Elwell has admired how lushly curvy and womanly Heidi has been.  (I found myself teaching, or perhaps explaining more exactly than usual, some English for her, and I leave her letting her know that she is SENSIBLE and ADMIRED.)  They each also approximate climax.  Heidi rides the bulge of my crotch and seems to hit it in a very gentle internal way, but she immediately apologizes if her lubrication touches my slacks.  Elwell is harder to read, she may simply be a well-meaning play actor, but whatever she's doing, she does it sweetly ...

[DruulEmpire]

As for my own getting off, I give Elwell credit, she goes for it, this time with a well-lotioned handjob, but only One Thing has ever gotten me off -- which I like to think nags the sexual egos of certain women -- and they've got a camera in there now, so that's out.  For my part, I would love to play with her breasts, but they're extra sensitive in that moment, possibly due to her menstrual cycle.

As we round out the visit, she massages my neck and back and tells me how just the other weekeend she and Yolanda (see far above) were the featured act.  First there was a vampire skit, in which Yolanda lay there in her pajamas while Elwell in a kind of Vampirella costume crept up and bit her.  it was followed by a gangster skit and a hospital skit with Elwell as a nurse.  Near-inevitably I had to ask when she had last played a ploicewoman and she had to admit it had been awhile.  That got me to thinking of giving a character in my novel project a name similar to hers -- her real name, that is -- and we brainstormed occupations for the character.  Then we bundled ourselves up, called it a session, and she said "I love you, Murdock" and that was that.

But before I left the club, I noticed Heidi on stage again, so I fed her more singles, then hung around for her to come offstage, and I hugged her, wished her well, and she said "I love you, Murdock," and I went out.  So there it was, only two women -- never stuck around nearly long enough for the feature, some adequately cute starlet named Tiffany Tyler -- but such women!  As a final not to true BEA boobhounds, I also not that Elwell asked me if she should make her boobs even  bigger, and I tried to play cool yet supportive.  But if she does it she may do it five years down the pike, so don't get your hopes up so fast.  And that was about it -- for how many more months, I'm not sure.

[Pacman]

Go Stillers!!

[DruulEmpire]

(Ah well, there goes a nice 240:1 views/posts ratio ...  )

Interesting non-seasonal comment (and Pittsburgh clubs do thrive on crowds coming in for major sports events), although they don't seem to have their earlier mojo and one wonders if they could get along without Roethlisberger.

Heidi e-mailed me from the Czech Republic -- she made it, obviously, but was sick, and I need to check back up on her.  As for Elwell, we continue to e-chat a little and I'm tempted to squeeze in another visit later this month. 

[DruulEmpire]

First, thanks to all the real live human eyeballs out there who (try to) keep this up to a 240:1 views/posts ratio.  Bad news: still nothing visual.  However, things have loosened up, and those who PM me -- one already has -- can now get some discreet online clues about THREE of my favorite club grrrls.

I went down Friday, August 27th for a two-birds-one-stone deal combining the visiting classic blonde cutie Brandi Morgan with my Elwell.  Brandi now has a more Playboy-friendly alias (also discreetly available).  Before anytnhing else though, I have to say it's been a gas exchanging occasional little notes with my Heidi in Europe.  In fact, it now sounds like she may be back in the States for a while circa October 12 -- and I STILL need a picture of her.  This Uschi-Digart-like woman would actually like to DATE me, blown is my mind.  Let this be a lesson: you send a few nice words once a great while to some women and they simply blossom.

Friday turned out busy.  I tried playing it safe, clinging first to the bar, then sitting down at the stage peeling off singles, smiling and nodding at my hot Russian Yolanda but leaving her go to other men, she's so damn popular.  I wasn't planning on anyone new -- and that may have been a mistake, because the "stable" is definitely shifting.  The bartenders and servers were new, and so many of the dancers were new.  In fact --

  

[DruulEmpire]

I was struck, just struck, by this new black dancer Laysa.  (Perhaps she didn't consider Lace or Lacy feminine enough and had to push for that final -a.)  There are in fact a few new sistahs down there, each with their own charms, but Laysa was a standout.  She reminded me of Beyonce -- mainly in the face, sorry to say, it's tough to be as luscious all over as Beyonce is, but it's a good face and the body is lean and athletic and the bust is VERY, um, healthy, and well-displayed too, very up, very pushed-together.  Plus she exudes warmth and is easy to talk with, overall a winner.  So I got a couple of dances with her and would happily have invested twenty minutes under other circumstances.

But wait, I've got this in the wrong order (eh, blame it on Tarantino), because before Laysa was Brandi's show.  Pretty standard but sweet, and of course she picked me out straightaway.  Interesting: I've seen her in this black leather motorcycle costuming before, and I wonder if that dates back to before the song that got played, Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive."  (I even wrote a BE version of that somewhere around this Forum.)  Wild how a newer song brings fresh meaning to a realiable costume.  Anyhow, it gradually came flying off in various flaps -- it wasn't that different from a standard dance.  Then she put my nerves on edge doing some old style fire tricks -- fire on her arms, swallowing the fire, fire on her legs, close to the vulva, all that.  All I could think was "Yes, I get the metaphor, you're really hot -- you can stop now."  After that it was some cooterball -- toss a rolled-up single into a shotglass between her legs to win a photo -- and I was last to win.

So it seemed that all I had to do was wait around for Brandi to come over to the corner -- but then came Laysa ...

[DruulEmpire]

So that was the main reason I just had two dances with Laysa, because I knew Brandi was expecting me, there are screens in the booths letting you see the stage action and they come with the DJ over the PA, and the DJ kept saying how Brandi was all set over there.  So I had to get to her, but I'm definitely looking up Laysa again another time, maybe even get inspired to a thorough report.

Brandi seemed slightly frantic, but I told her I had been "waylaid," which got a laugh, and we got in some booth time.  (She charges double the going rate but I still find that reasonable.)  She slid herself all around me and buffeted with me with her boobs, and we got to talking about my birthday at year's end, particularly relevant because she's always been a reliable New Year's entertainer there.  More on this later.

So I was all set to just hang tight till Elwell showed up -- but Corinne (Tara Reid but sober, remember?) approached me very nicely and enthusiastically and eh, I couldn't resist taking her upstairs -- which, as it turned out, was going to complicate the evening in interesting ways.  It's funny about Corinne -- we get together and suddenly it's some kind of athletic event.  Forget dry humping, Corinne and I are dry rodeo.  We get in a very lively half hour and Corinne is very amenable, smiling and laughing -- ahh, but along the way there's a trace of, um, her natural intimate lubricant on my pants.  At the time I don't mind, in that moment even taking it to be a kind of badge of honor, but then --

[DruulEmpire]

Elwell -- but once again I'm getting all Tarantino, leaping ahead a little too fast, because the fact was that after waiting for Elwell I finally bumped into her out in the lobby just as Corinne was taking me up.  Elwell was a bit shocked and very sweet and called me "my love" but she protested that she wasn't all made up yet, which of course is kind of silly, she's utterly hot without makeup, but I understand what she means, there's a certain look, a certain effect she's always striving for, she's damn near patented it, so we hug and touch-kiss and I tell her I'll be right back down for her.

So now it's our hour, but along the way she claims to be weirded out by my pre-lubricated pants.  (The "waylaid" line doesn't work so well on her.  And to think, some men just have to worry about lipstick on the collar.)  So there's some time ducking into the washroom and scrubbing and after that she seems calmer.  And again she fishes me out and tries to handjob me but it only makes me all the more, um ... anxious.  So, hallelujah, she very quietly and sneakily agrees to let me inside her.  See, this is what happens to a man when you have nothing regular, a moment like this comes to mean everything, you're spellbound, you're stuck.  And again I wish to hell I could pleasure her outright, and it's a bit of a point of pride that she doesn't get me off -- that's happened only once before -- and she's shocked at the persistent hardness.  (Nope, no drugs -- unless you count her.)  And we even get in some chat.  That does it -- I'm smuggling her name (well, most of it) into a book as a character.  And I still have to write the song for her, and show her the novel ...

[DruulEmpire]

So that was a beautiful and successful evening -- and that might have been all there was to it, except that I felt honorbound to come back Friday to look up my Red Queen Columbia.  I got hit up -- and right here I'm finally going to break the protocol of this thread, instead of a code name I'm going to give an actual performer name.  Her name is Adrienne -- and she's no one to call "Yo!" for in my book, she may well be THE worst dancer I've known.  She does everything wrong.  She latches onto you with this pushy "Oh, I'm so fantastic" spiel, she keeps repeating the prices at you like you're supposed to be an Alzheimer's patient, she's really only borderline pretty, and then you're there in the booth and she is UTTERLY graceless.  There was NO pleasure to it, more my wincing at her pushy clumsiness.  But I think she has one of those reality-resistant egos, so I took my one dance like a man and made note of her.

At last Columbia showed, and she was VERY sweet, evidently word of this Adrienne has gotten around and when she got me in the booth she was very soft and caring and nurturing.  If a Corinne or an Elwell is my strenuous exercise, Columbia is my happy cooldown.  I  mentioned my coalescing birthday plans to her, and she rather doubted she'd be around then, but we shall see ...

Bit of trivia: I know Elwell's real name, then found out Heidi's, and now I know Columbia's.  Brace yourself: it's Brandi.  Yes, with an I (so all of you who theorize that girls with cute names ending in I may become strippers, you have a datum in your corner), and yes, just like (stage name) Brandi Morgan.  In fact, earlier at the club Brandi Morgan had hit on my Red Queen Brandi and that's when the name had come up.  For that matter, brandi Morgan hit on my Elwell, she went nuts over her (so I hear).  So when I finally did e-mail Brandi Morgan we were quite struck by our similar tastes in women.  Columbia, Elwell, Yolanda ... there's really only one other grrrl down there who Ms. Morgan mentioned who wasn't on my list.  Perhaps I should look her up.  Along with Laysa.  (In the meantime, I have learned how to track down not only Elwell but Yolanda and Columbia online.  I don't think their online portraits do them great justice, but you begin to get the idea.)

So will there be any more action before my birthday?  Shyla Stylez arrives in a few weeks, and my Heidi comes back to the States in October.  Will I be able to swing either of those?  Don't know, don't know ...

 

[DruulEmpire]

Today is Election Day, but my Erection Day was a kind of early Halloween on the evening of Thursday October 28th.  Once again I focused on my house girls, the features have been barely notable (I think), and I even got in two incidental dances with new girls but they made no particular impression in appearance or performance, so I'm not even reporting on them.

What is a man to do when he grows up watching James Bond movies, living vicariously through the thrilling moments of James Bond's life, and then suddenly finds himself thrust into a kind of real life James Bond moment and must then confront the fact that he is not really James Bond after all?  Something like that happened this time -- but I'm getting ahead of myself.

First: no Columbia.  She was around earlier in the week, but there was no way to juggle her into an optimal single evening.  So my girls this time were Heidi, Lourdes, and Elwell, and each deserve a story.

I tried talking Heidi up a bit down in the main bar, but it was partiuclarly crowded.  They were having a Halloween costume night, and in my opinion the guy going around as a man in bed with a blonde -- yes, complete with bed and blonde -- should have been the winner.  Me, I brought my werewolf mask, but pointedly didn't wear it at first as I knew how scared Heidi was of it.

Heidi and I have been e-mailing each other a fair bit.  Between the e-mails and our catching up, I found out that that she was working very hard, moving rocks and such, trying to keep up the children's summer camp in the Czech Republic.  (The idea of a latter-day Uschi Digart running a summer camp continues to blow my mind.)  I'd asked her for a picture but she promised me at least one the next time, so we shall see.  The secret scoop on Heidi is that after next February she's staying in Europe for good, so I only have a few windoews of time left to appreciate her.  Strangely, I seem to be the first American from whom she got to learn the words "bosomy" and "busty."  How the hell does this woman hang out with lots of English-speaking men and never once encounter the word "busty"?  I tell he she's the curviest woman the club has ever seen and she likes that.  Real women have curves, and in "Mad Men" terms I fantasize about being Roger Sterling to her Joan Holloway (pre-Harris).  We got in a good half-hour dance, her dancing style is rather chaste -- no dry humping, except as maybe a quick little joke -- but I got to hold onto her.  She said "I love you, Murdock" and then added that all the girls love Murdock -- hmm, but how does she define "all"?  And we have a little bit in common -- namely, we wonder what's going on with all these new girls, new faces, new clients.  Is it worth adapting to?  I have to wonder ... 

[DruulEmpire]

It was a bit of a wait after Heidi -- I knew from the online dancer schedule she'd be earliest -- but Lourdes began to turn up in an interesting way.  Now here's the thing: I had begun to sort of give up on Lourdes.  I've considered Lourdes and Corinne to be of a piece, two classic yet different blondes, and Corinne has really gotten in touch with her inner urban cowgirl, at least when it comes to the art of the dry hum, and cavorting with Tara Reid Sober is not a bad deal -- but of the two I've always hankered more after Lourdes.  Imagine Susan Dey from her "L.A. Law" heights, but not quite with so slim and passive-looking a face, imagine it broader with a lot of Heather Graham -- I'm really thinking more "Diggstown" or "Bowfinger" or "Lost in Space," but you can insist on Rollergirl or Felicity Shagwell if you choose -- and you're getting towards Lourdes.  But Lourdes has always held me at a kind of distance, always seeming a bit underenthused around me.  Well, forget that.  She smiled gloriously at me while she was still working some other guy, and then I sat at the stage as she performed.  I don't know what it was, but this was the happiest I've ever seen her.  She had a nice cheery near-Columbia-like attitude and readily said Yes when I asked for a private dance.  There was a moment of uncertainty as I saw her leave the corner cage, as she said five other men urged her to see them later -- but I was the only one to actually ask for a dance, so I trumped them all.  I got a half-hour with her upstairs and she was incredible, very open to my holding me all over, urging herself to the borderline of getting herself off on me during the dry hump -- it was poetry.  In a single dance she outclassed Corinne -- unless her mood drops down next time.

To give you some idea of how sweet Heidi is, she alerted me that Elwell had finally arrived on the premises.  So I put on my trench coat and my werewolf mask and waited things out ...   

[DruulEmpire]

I thought I glimpsed Elwell through the door out to the hotel lobby, so I stepped out and, yes, it was her.  To her credit, she recognized me with my werewolf mask on and we embraced.  She had new contacts and her eyes seemed extra wide, usually she seems a bit sleepy and/or cunning but her eyes were big.  She was trying for something -- a fairy? -- with only lacy floral pasties on her breasts.  When we got off the elevator I got off the mask and she was sweet, she was all concerned because it seemed to her I was burning up under that thing.  We got a room, cash for an hour, and before anything I slipped her an extra hundred or so towards her godson, whose cute picture appears on her website.  Elwell, a godmother!?  Interesting spiritual guidance to be given, to say the least.  I saw her more as another kind of godmother -- pinstripes, jacket with red carnation, dark shirt with white tie, fedora, murmuring things like "Then your enemies will become my enemies -- and then they will fear you."  Anyhow, being the old-fashioned kind of godmother could always use a little money.

I begin to wonder if I should wrap all this up someday.  Heidi is going, and it looks to me like Columbia will do fine if she ever leaves the club.  Could Lourdes and I intensify?  Perhaps.  I wonder this because I keep getting the feeling Elwell could wander out of my life.  It's the whole boyfriend thing, and that's what I meant by James Bond.  Whether it's Claudine Auger in "Thunderball" or Talisa Soto in "Licence to Kill," the man keeps meeting damsels in less-than-healthy relationships.  I've dubbed Elwell Rihanna Saldana, since she reminds me a bit of both Zoe and the singer, and Rihanna has driven me nuts singing such strong songs and yet putting up with the abuse in her personal life.  Elwell's been choked, she's had a gun to her head -- and still for all that a love bond endures.  Somehow I find myself in the role of a most unpriestly confessor.  I hold her face and she says "I never cry" but she does a little anyway.  Would that I could be her getaway car.  But it sounds like she already has a very nice-sounding fellow secretly on the side, so perhaps someday she'll have better luck with him.

The upshot of all this is that she's concerned for me and want to have me checked out, because she learned her BF was with skanky types and she wants to be sure I haven't caught anything, so I've got to get on that this month, because I'd like to see her again after Thanksgiving, just in time for her birthday.  Of course, this all begs how SHE'S doing.  Yet she drove me nicely crazy again, fishing me out of my pants and working me with lotion, and she asked that I bring condoms next time.  That in itself is wild, since before I met her I was rigorous about condoms, ever since the Seventies, even before we first learned of AIDS, but these last two years I've gotten lax.

The real hell of it is that here I'm turning fifty, and by this point in my life it ought to be possible for me to be the intercessor, the one who can get her out.  As it is, I'm simply surviving.  We're all simply surviving.  But we find our pleasures where we can.

And with that -- that's all till December. 

[Hoogleboogle]

Druul, post us all a sumamry of these events.

Which famous models and pornstars have you met at feature events? How many strippers have you met outside the club and boinked? Who has the biggest and best boobies of all the girls on your outings?