Sorry in advance for a rather lengthy post, but having been ground zero on this topic for many years, I thought a little advice from a fellow (almost-)former victim was in order.
First of all, big kudos to Redtalon for the HILARIOUS football thing! I laughed my ass off.
That said, invisible, you sound more like me with every post, and that's just scary. I honestly can't remember how many times I've been turned over the years, and it's probably better that way. I should probably mention that I have not had a single success, except for the one who turned out to be nuts. She did have big boobs, though, LOL.....yet more important was the fact that, yes, she was freakin' nuts. Can we say 'mistake?' I think we can.
Sidetracked, sorry. Anyway, like I said, you sound a lot like me. To put it colorfully, I'm that crayon that nobody likes to color with. You know, how there's always those couple of crayons whose colors just repulse you, so you just kind of work *around* them and use the ones that attract your attention more? That would be me. BUT, thing is, I try not to let it get me down, and it only does from time to time. And--big thing here--I TRY. Oh, brother, you wouldn't believe how I try. And it does NOT get easier, because I am more afraid of rejection that anyone that I know. And I don't do lines and all that shit, I mean who the hell am I, Leisure Suit Larry? (Ba-dum-ch.) I am not sure if I try too hard, but I may even try too often, because it's not long after one bats me down before I'm after another one. True 'nuff, that's a problem too in its own small way, but there's got to be something said for a guy who goes out there and gives it his all and then some every single time, win or lose. Trust me, I did the whole pity party thing for a looooong time, and it got me nowhere fast. And, to boot, while I was giving out all those negative vibes, every girl who saw me was getting them. I truly believe that how you feel is how you look. If you feel like a million bucks, I don't care if you're wearing a Prada potato sack, you'll look like ten million. Therefore, if you feel like fifty cents, you'll look like that rusty penny from the bottom of the pocket that people try to spend as quickly as they can because they just don't like it, but aren't quite sure why. As far as I'm concerned, pos. and neg. vibes make a HUGE difference. I now give out POSITIVE vibes, and while I have not been successful since I've started, it's only with the couple of girls I've tried with. (And one was a total bitch and the other was already committed, so those are arguable.) But, OTHER girls have been noticing me a LOT. A couple I wasn't really interested in, and several that I was, and I mean really good looking girls--but you know, just my luck, those are the ones I see in passing or out somewhere who flirt blatantly and then I never see them again or something... but, the thing is, on some level, things HAVE changed. I just haven't been able, by chance, to catch any of the ones who were looking yet. I am sure it won't be long. And I continue marching on, thinking positively...and it doesn't hurt that I dress great, too. Seriously, do keep that in mind. The way you feel about yourself and your general outlook on life project themselves outward, and if you think poisonous thoughts, for what it's worth, something about you that people just can't put their fingers on looks poisonous, too. They think, "Hmm, this person doesn't have anything important to say or offer" and write you off. If you are beautiful inside, appearances be damned, somehow, hell or high water, nothing will stop you from being beautiful outside, too. If you really project assertiveness and confidence, they give you the once-over and think subconsciously that this is someone who has something important to say, or something nice to offer; in short, they think, "This person has something good about them, and it's worth my time to find out what it is."
And I also understand the thing about aiming for girls you think to be out of your league, but not wanting to settle for something that you're not happy with. I tend to look for the prettiest one in the room, a true fault, but I can't fix it. While I am no heartthrob, I also know that I am not exactly Pappy Yokum, and refuse to settle for some chick who, forgive me, looks like someone pulled the very Ugly Tree out of the ground and walloped her with it, stick be damned, and you are not wrong for doing the same. If nothing else, look at it this way: Out of all the great looking single girls out there, there's got to be at least ONE who isn't a bitch. (And I swear, one of these days, I WILL find her LOL.....) And a lot of the guys who are considered to be "in equal caliber" are usually big time jerks. After a while, the smart girls will learn their lessons and start looking for decent guys who appreciate them also for who they are. And when strike out do the assholes, youg Jedi, your turn it will be, mmm. ...Remember what I said about those coupla crayons nobody likes to use because they don't jump out at them? Well, the good-looking crayons that everyone loves get used up real fast. And when they're short and dull, down in the bottom of the box, the unused ones tower above them, tall and sharp as the day they were made. And remember how one day, there was SOME picture you colored where you just HAD to use one of thosecrayons, and no other one would achieve just the right effect? And then when you did, the picture was all the more beautiful for it.
You seem to be someone who appreciates poetry, and so here are the lyrics to a rather cute little Jerome Kern tune called "Pick Yourself Up" that are, nonetheless, very appropriate here. Truer words were never spoken.
quote:
Nothing's impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again Don't lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again
Work like a soul inspired till the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired but you'll be a man, my son
Don't you remember the famous men who had to fall to rise again?
They picked themselves up, dust themselves off and started all over again