*

TheZookie007

  • L Cup
  • 30305
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2014, 02:42:11 AM »
I know! And I love it! :D
"When your city is French in origin, and your Mayor and Governor are Democrats, and those most affected by this natural disaster are Black, don't expect much help from Bush." -- Left of Y'all (and the link works now too! )

*

gonZo

  • pain-in-the-ass moderator
  • 9776
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2014, 01:20:45 PM »
My attempts at the Bulwer-Lytton method: bad opening sentences for breast expansion stories...
A Dork And Stormi Knight
Son Of A Dork And Stormi Knight

*

TheZookie007

  • L Cup
  • 30305
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2014, 11:26:20 PM »
I'm looking forward to a Büsenberry Cooler becoming the drink of choice among American women.
"When your city is French in origin, and your Mayor and Governor are Democrats, and those most affected by this natural disaster are Black, don't expect much help from Bush." -- Left of Y'all (and the link works now too! )

*

gonZo

  • pain-in-the-ass moderator
  • 9776
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #18 on: August 17, 2014, 01:26:19 AM »
The Büsenberry or Norwegian tyttebær, a strain of lingonberry (Vaccinium vitis-idaea) commonly found in northern and central Europe.
I made it up.

*

BacE

  • F Cup
  • 711
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #19 on: August 17, 2014, 10:49:25 PM »
The Büsenberry or Norwegian tyttebær, a strain of lingonberry (Vaccinium vitis-idaea) commonly found in northern and central Europe.
I made it up.

Is it wrong, that he thought of over-fertilizing this plant is turning me on.  ;D
B"B(erry)E(xpansion) archive"acE
Size doesn't matter, as long as it's HUGE!!

*

rtpoe

  • Old Fart
  • 10049
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2015, 12:39:44 AM »
This year's winner:

"Seeing how the victim's body, or what remained of it, was wedged between the grill of the Peterbilt 389 and the bumper of the 2008 Cadillac Escalade EXT, officer "Dirk" Dirksen wondered why reporters always used the phrase "sandwiched" to describe such a scene since there was nothing appetizing about it, but still, he thought, they might have a point because some of this would probably end up on the front of his shirt." — Dr. Joel Phillips, West Trenton, NJ

http://bulwer-lytton.com/2015win.html

A few other entries of note:

"The night was dark; which is a bit redundant, since night is by definition dark, unless it's a stormy night when lightning causes moments of brilliant light, or except in places like Norway or Alaska where summer nights can be pretty light, but still, most of the time when you say “night,” people are going to think 'dark.' "— Joseph E. Fountain, Fredericksburg, VA

"After weeks at sea, Captain Fetherstonhaugh and his hardy crew had at last crossed the halfway point, and he mused that the closest dry land now lay in the Americas, assuming of course that it was not raining there." — David Laatsch, Baton Rouge, LA

"An evil darkness strode across the forsaken lands of Marmon, casting a shadow like a superhero whose cape’s special power is to turn day into night, that was how the darkness strode (not like the superhero who was otherwise a very nice man)." — Terence Mulholland, Santa Monica, CA
rtpoe

Every year, in November, at the season that follows on the hour of the dead, the crowning and majestic hour of autumn, reverently I go to visit the chrysanthemums in the places where chance offers them to my sight.

Maurice Maeterlinck, "Chrysanthemums", The Double Garden, 1911.

*

rtpoe

  • Old Fart
  • 10049
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #21 on: September 15, 2016, 01:50:10 AM »
The 2016 Winners have been announced!

http://bulwer-lytton.com/2016win.html

Some of those cited:

As she reclined, naked, on the chaise longue, Constance's breasts looked like two mounds of creamy coleslaw served up on a fine porcelain plate—but the good kind of coleslaw, not the violent, neon-green stuff you get at KFC.— Lisa Liscoumb, Oshawa, Ontario

It was the worst of times, although I suppose if I were really pressed I could come up with a time in history even worse than the French Revolution, such as the Black Death, to name but one, but on the other hand it has to be said that it was also the best of times, particularly for those of us that were rich and living in England rather than France. — Michael D. Hill, Burton, England

After his seventh shot of Jack Daniels, Billy reflected that only a certain kind of man, a Roman Catholic priest, born under the sign of Gemini, whose loved one had been run down by a bus full of inebriated Lazio supporters on a glorious Sunday morning in early April outside a provincial church whose bells were ringing Bach’s Tocatta and Fugue in B minor, would truly be able to understand the abyss of despair in which he was drowning. — Neil T Godden, Nouméa, New Caledonia
rtpoe

Every year, in November, at the season that follows on the hour of the dead, the crowning and majestic hour of autumn, reverently I go to visit the chrysanthemums in the places where chance offers them to my sight.

Maurice Maeterlinck, "Chrysanthemums", The Double Garden, 1911.

*

rtpoe

  • Old Fart
  • 10049
Re: The Bulwer-Lytton Contest
« Reply #22 on: September 11, 2017, 11:21:18 PM »
The 2017 Winners!

http://bulwer-lytton.com/2017win.html

Picking a few at random:

The familiar cleaning ritual now complete, Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Christopher P. “Hondo” Holdsworth carefully reassembled his Brűgger & Thomet APR308 7.62x51mm sniper rifle, mounting the matte-black Leupold 8 3.5-25x56mm optic with the splined 5mm Allen wrench that ensured it would stay put and retracting the Harris S-BRM 6-9 Notched Bipod, the way a character in a Tom Clancy novel would. — G. Andrew Lundberg, Los Angeles, California

Captain Duke Ellsworth of the Poughkeepsie Police Department wondered, as he stood in the brightly lit room and stared at the gun lying on the floor, if its barrel were still warm, and what his wife was making for dinner that evening, which he would no doubt have to eat cold when he finally finished up here, especially if he paid his mistress in Fishkill a visit on the way home. — Rich Zaleski, Stevenson, Connecticut

A sweaty Hector threw off his shirt, passion burning, skin glistening, his deodorant congealed to little chunks ensnared among the matted jungle of his armpits like so many crumbles of pungent blue cheese over a bed of sprouts, moistened with a dressing of perspiration, and lustily asked, "Are you as hungry as I am?" to the confused busboy. — Tyson Canale, Rochester, Minnesota

Whether I shall emerge from this tale as the hero of my own life, or whether that station be the lot of another, these pages must show, and the path for you, dear reader, will be, as it was for me, long and tortuous, though pages 247-252 will clear up a lot.—John Hardi, Falls Church, Virginia

rtpoe

Every year, in November, at the season that follows on the hour of the dead, the crowning and majestic hour of autumn, reverently I go to visit the chrysanthemums in the places where chance offers them to my sight.

Maurice Maeterlinck, "Chrysanthemums", The Double Garden, 1911.