ONE HUNDRED DAYS IN LATE NIGHT COMEDY (thanks to the Washington Post)
Jan 25: "Friday, the world watched America swear in, as its 45th president, the concept of white-male mediocrity. Oh yeah, it really happened. Donald Trump laid his little p—y-grabbing paw on top of two more books than he’s ever read in his life and spoke the most solemn vow he’s ever uttered since his third wedding." - Samantha Bee
Jan. 30 (on the travel-ban protests): "While all this was happening, President Trump was hosting a screening at the White House of the movie Finding Dory, which, ironically, is a movie about a fish trying to find her parents. To his credit, he was so moved by the film that he lifted all travel restrictions on clownfish." - Jimmy Kimmel
Feb 3: "We’re just 10 days in and it feels like it’s total chaos at the White House. This is supposed to be the honeymoon. How could Trump blow the honeymoon? He’s had three of them." - Stephen Colbert
Feb 14: "In the wake of the Flynn resignation, Democrats are asking what President Trump knew. What did he know? It’s historic. It’s the first time anyone’s ever accused Donald Trump of knowing too much." - Conan O'Brien
Feb 15: "The New York Times has published an article alleging that Trump’s advisers were talking to senior Russian officials during the entire election. I know, the most shocking news to come out of this is that Trump had advisers. Kind of felt like he was just winging it the whole time, didn’t it?" - james Corden
Feb 16: "You know it’s a bad press conference when assuming all black people know each other wasn’t even the worst part of it." - Jimmy Kimmel
Feb 16: "If you can’t trust your president to get the right information on a Google-able fact, then can you really trust him with the harder stuff? Which, by the way, is everything else the president of the United States has to deal with." - Trevor Noah
Feb 17: "People are still talking about President Trump’s wild press conference yesterday. In fact, the New York Times called it ‘77 chaotic minutes.’ Yeah, it’s not good when your first press conference gets the same review as John Wick 2." - Jimmy Fallon
Feb 19: "I’m saying it’s a bit weird you’ve been objectively nicer to Vladimir Putin than you have to Meryl Streep, who I’m pretty sure isn’t an infamous autocrat — although, you know what, now I say it, if she tried it, she’d nail it, the woman is a tour de force." - John Oliver
Feb 28 (after Trump's address to Congress): "Technically, this was not a State of the Union, because I think in this timeline, the Confederacy won." - Stephen Colbert
March 6: "President Trump appeared optimistic saying, ‘Everything that is broken in our country can be fixed.’ Which is hard to believe coming from a guy who’s spent the better part of his life as a slumlord. Whenever a bad landlord says they’ll fix something, you know they’re just going to send some Russian dude to do it." - Saturday Night Live, "Weekend Update"
March 8: "If there’s no one on his staff brave enough to tell their boss that there’s only one ‘p’ in ‘tap,’ there certainly isn’t anyone brave enough to tell him that Obama isn’t running a coup. In fact, the president’s entire staff appears to treat him like a dangerously strong show chimp that you have to bribe with Diet Pepsi so he won’t tear your face off." - Samantha Bee
March 21: "Ivanka Trump is reportedly getting an office in the White House in addition to security clearance and government-issued communication devices. Even more unbelievable, so is Donald Trump." - Seth Meyers
March 22: "At this point, it appears the Republican health-care plan is going to die on the floor of the House. Coincidentally, dying on the floor of the house happens to be the Republican health-care plan." - Conan O'Brien
April 20: "I think there’s strong evidence that the president is always high. Because just look at it: He forgets people’s names, he mixes up Iraq and Syria, and what do high people always do? They forget where they put things. And last week, Donald Trump didn’t just lose his keys, he lost the Navy." - Trevor Noah
April 23 (on Jared Kushner): "It is not unusual for powerful men to give their son-in-laws ‘do-nothing’ jobs but leave it to Donald Trump, who can’t even get nepotism right, to give his a ‘do-everything’ job." - John Oliver