Been braking my body at work for weeks. Finally have time off to heal. My hands are wrapped so I can RICE. Taking my meds and just trying to **82** as much as I can. Not celebrating any holidays this year. My reasons to celebrate are gone. I tried to talk thing out with my family but they are selfish, tackless and think everything is a joke. I had a shimmer of hope I could relax and heal my mind too when I came home from work. Only to see my parking spot given away and the device that would help me relax finally after weeks of waiting was stolen from me by my brother. There have been more upsetting thing since yesterday and before but it comes down to this. I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. I've been clean for 12?years since my last failed attempt. So I'm not go do it. I'm still stong enough to stop myself. And if I'm not I have the suicide prevention hotline website abd phone number. For now. I'm going to lay on a couch. Taking my pills hope to become **61** soon. Just so tired. With everything.