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hourglass

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A poem
« on: June 28, 2016, 10:43:56 AM »
Her nipples lunged for my uvula
Reaching into me
Sniffing about on my tongue
Like a mouse nearer the cheese
Longing to leave her liquid gift
And I, desperate to be nourished so,
But there was nine to be had
Those taps were dry
The same way our longing
Was never satisfied

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hourglass

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Re: A poem
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2016, 03:06:48 PM »
please comment.  does this suck?

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JH_

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Re: A poem
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2016, 03:49:36 PM »
Not, it doesn't suck, in fact it's quite good. There's one typo, though. "But there was nine to be had" should be "But there was none to be had".
JH

Re: A poem
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2016, 05:13:56 AM »
"But there was nine to be had" should be "But there was none to be had".

Aw, I preferred to think of it as a multi-breast situation.

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dkc718

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Re: A poem
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2016, 12:12:44 AM »
Uvula is a fun word to say.  Very fun.  But it kind of took me out of the poem early.  And I don't think Uvula's have nerves or feelings. 

You're on much safer territory when you talk about tongues and nipples.

Re: A poem
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2016, 05:01:24 AM »
From now on, it's strictly good, clean fun -- for me and my uvula!