Hi all,
I know that losing Z has been a horrible, horrible thing. I know too that many of you are incredibly angry about the senselessness of her loss as well.
I just want to say that anger is a perfectly normal reaction to something like this, especially for someone so wonderful and when you're so close to someone who you lose. Anger can be a psychologically healthy and valid way of expressing feelings of loss. And, anger is often the immediate gut reaction in the moment when something like this happens. I don't blame Spork one bit for any anger he feels toward the individual who's responsible for ending Z's life. Nor do I blame anyone here for any anger they feel either.
But, I worry that there's too much anger in the world today, and that often it's expressed in violent, destructive ways. Many spiritual traditions teach that anger is fear and/or pain transformed and redirected. I've read the writings of the Dalai Lama extensively and I know this is the view of Tibetan Buddhism. But, he also teaches that this anger, if not expressed appropriately only ends up causing even more suffering, which in turn leads to more anger, and then more suffering, etc.
I hope that those of us who are reacting with anger to the loss of Z can find ways to express it that won't harm others or themselves. I don't think Z would want to see any harm come to others because of what has happened to her...
My first reaction when I heard the news through friends on here I communicate with in other ways was one of incredulity, then shock, then sadness, and yeah, anger. Perhaps it was easier for me not to fall into a destructive expression of my anger since I wasn't as close to Z as others of you here were, but still, it was something that I went through and had to work out for myself.
As I said, I don't think Z would want to see anyone else get hurt because of anything that involved her or was because of something that happened to her. And, I think that those of us who are hurting over losing her will be better able to deal with those feelings if we can find ways of expressing our anger in non destructive ways, and that will allow us to really get down to the hurt that's underneath it all, and start dealing with that, and working on remembering Z with love for her and ourselves.
If there's one thing this tragedy has reminded me of, it's that you should never not show those you love that you love them, right here, right now. Those in our lives who we love and cherish deserve to receive that each day, and in every way we can show it to them, and not let it be put off, because you never know when the last time you can give them that love and appreciation and respect might be.