I don't post too often, but I'll throw my $0.02 in here as well I suppose.
I would agree with the talk it out first idea. My take on it would be to first ask your parents about the idea and see what their reaction is. I personally would start with a question like, "How much like family do you consider them to be?" Point towards the fact that you've found yourself developing fealings for her and see what insight and input your parents on the matter.
If that goes over in a sort of general "We (your parents) have no problem with it", then next move on to your aunt. Approch the matter in a similar manner. If that too goes over well, then comes the hard part. The talk with the girl in question....
I would not just blurt out everything all at once. No matter how she may currently feel about you, doing that would only make things go down hill from there. Start off slow. Start by discussing what has already happened. Ask her what her thoughts are on how much like blood (sister, brother, 2nd cousin twice removed, what have you) family she considers you and her to be. If her response is one of "we're cousins. how much more like family do you get" then you need to tread carefully. Ask her if there were any motives/intensions behind her previous actions, and try to do it in as calm, serious, and gentle a manner as possible. If her response is something to the effect of "It was just good clean fun" (pardon the mis-use
) then you have your answer. There's nothing in it. If there are feelings behind it, then you need to have a serious discussion.
That's the "We are family" side of the coin.
If she responds to the effect of "doesn't really consider you blood family", or "not realy close enough to warent too much thought on", then you've got a little breating room so to speak. Ask her if there were any feelings behind her previous actions or whether just was just playing. If she was just playing, then once again you have your answer. If she wasn't playing, then you two need to have a serious disscussion.
The Discussion:
If it comes to the discussion, here are some starting points and things to consider:
1.) Explain that you think you might be feeling the same but you have doubts over whether on not it would be right and explain your source(s) of confusion and debate. Try to convay and explain your conflicting morals and emotions as best you can, though try to avoid with great effort making it sound as though "your in torment over some moral issues and it's all her fault".
2.) Ask her to elaborate on feelings behind her actions and think about how she feels about you and whether she has an interest persuing ANY kind of relationship with you.
3.) Discuss your mutual feelings for each other openly. If you've gone this far with no down turn in the discussion, do not try to hide your feelings. Hiding feelings will arouse suspicion and that is DEFFINANTLY something you you don't want in a discussion of this type.
4.) BE HONEST, what ever you tell her.
If you still have doubts even after all of this, then have a group discussion, you, her, and her aunt, your parents, or both. Heck if you really feel the need to (if your a religous person) get a rabbi/preist/minister/decon/leader of the faith and ask them some of your questions and see what they say, though unless you know where their veiws come from and have some sense of their own personal morals, take their advice with a grain of salt. Some preist/ministers/etc. can have an overly paranoid additude to anything that might even be vaguely against the tennets of the faith.
The other thing to consider is if either your parents or her's respond badly to this notion, then you need to be careful in aproching her. Wether they are set against it or not, you still need to talk to her and find out what her motives and feelings are on the matter. It's just that if either or both of the parents dissaprove then she needs to know that just as much as you if there are any mutual feelings involved. Because even if both parents are dead set against it, if you two really and honestly have feelings for each other, then there's always the possibilty that they might come around at some point and at least stop opposing it. The phrase, "I may not like your decision, but it's your decision to make not mine." comes to mind
. But either way, you need to find out the oppinions and positions of ALL parties involved.
All that being said, I think the best advice is, take it SLOWLY, ask questions (and don't be afraid of asking or of the answers you might get), don't be afraid to tell the people around you how you feel if its acceptableness is in question, and be careful of what actions you take what buttons you press.
Of course there's alwasy the possibility that it's what Munch sugested
Quote:
truth .. talk with her .. tell her you consider attractive (which is what she is looking for .. reassurance that she is a hottie),
L_C_R_ANT