Hmmm... I've been not-here for quite awhile, sorry. It appears there is a lot here to respond to... so I'll just dive right in, shall I?
I understand fairly well and you should notice that this person didn't show up in the thread until our own discussion "among the guys" was already done...Women can be jackasses, too.
*shrug* Everyone on the internet is a jackass. I was actually guessing your age at around 15, not 12 - you being a non-native English speaker makes sense too, so I do apologize for the ad hominem. It's just... I love masturbation. I love porn. I love sex. And I am *so* sick of the sex-negativity permeating this culture! Your post pretty much hit all of my buttons - likening masturbation to elimination, insinuating that women who do sex work ought to be ashamed, and saying that porn is only for those men who can't get a woman? You bet I came out swinging. Now tell me that masturbation is sexy, prostitutes ought to be thanked for the job they do, and that married men who also consume porn are studs... then we can bray off into the sunset together, equally yoked in our jackassery.
... most people will have 100x more respect for someone who gets down in the trenches and works for what they have as opposed to those who choose to do otherwise...I appreciate that you've had experience in the field, and if you feel that your experience was a positive one that ended amicably, then congratulations. However, unlike what you claim, you're in a very small minority of people, so if that was indeed your experience, you either live in a bubble, or are completely dilusional. Through my work, I have regular interactions with sex trade workers in all sorts of settings, and I'm sorry, but the notion that most of them conduct their business, then head back to suburban life on lollipop lane simply isn't true. Period. I do agree that there are those out there who do, but even in those cases, those people are in one way or another, simply a different breed. And they are most definitely not my neighbor, my sister, my college friends, or my yoga instructor. But I suppose everyone has their own view on what normal is.
Shocking as it may be, I actually don't care about whether "most people" respect me. "Most people" are idiotic sheep and I wear their disdain as a badge of honor. Yes, I did have a mostly positive experience which ended amicably, but I'm hardly exceptional. Most of the women I met while doing this line of work were "independent service providers" (aka "escorts"), and they were very mundane women indeed. Mothers, sisters, waitresses, nannies... the majority of them were only contactable online, would rarely meet anywhere other than their place ("in-call only"), got out of the biz within 2-5 years - and simply carried on with their lives. No, most of them did not go to "Lollipop Lane" or whatever - a house was my goal. Most of them had their own goals - things like paying down loans, supporting their kids, buying a decent car, paying off medical bills, one lady I knew used most of her money hiring a lawyer... You may not like this, but prostitutes are not "a different breed". We're average women, and we're all around you.
I wasn't being "white knight"... just stating a well-known fact that most people who do sex work do so because they have had some serious abuse in their past that causes a significant disconnect... That is what Erica was saying in her farewell letter and I was saying I agree with her, because I have seen it first hand with others... If Tomoe wants to insist that it's wonderful work and that regular jobs are far worse, and boast about how fantastic it was while she was doing it and how many houses it allowed her to buy, that's certainly her right... but I know for sure that most women would heartily disagree with her to the point of being offended... those who grow up having normal, well-adjusted childhoods generally do not do sex work.
I never described sex work as "wonderful" "fantastic" or "better than normal jobs" (whatever those are) - just better than every minimum wage job I've ever held. Bragging about buying multiple houses? No. I mentioned that I bought A SINGULAR house - (then Munch ribbed me about losing it - but he knows me so it's okay). Sure, most women would disagree with me - but most women are sex negative as the rest of the culture. They've been told that porn is oppressive, prostitutes are dirty, and the only acceptable use of their sexuality is as leverage over their boyfriends / husbands. They tend to be dismissive of me when they think I'm talking out my ass, then extremely uncomfortable when they find out I was a sex worker. Not offended - more like "deer in headlights".
I've likely read the same studies you have. The "significant disconnect" to which you refer has a name - compartmentalization - and it's not *all* bad. People who have suffered trauma (it's not just sexual abuse, btw) in the past have an easier time dealing with trauma in the present. I agree with you that people who grow up with "Leave It To Beaver" childhoods generally can't do sex work very long - but it isn't because they are less damaged, more stable, or any saner than the sex workers. They simply lack years of experience in delaying the processing of strong emotions - they haven't got the skills. Like I said, there is correlation between past abuse and the ability to maintain as a sex worker - but correlation is not causation. I know that it's easier to pass judgement on a prostitute, tell yourself that it's the fault of her upbringing and it could *never* be somebody you know... but seriously, we're not that exotic.
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that compartmentalization is entirely *healthy* either. It literally feels like pushing things down - and if you do it for too long, or you don't ever deal with the emotional stuff welling back up... I've seen a few girls go down that road - and it's not pretty. Drug addictions, other numbing behaviors, self-harm, letting themselves become used to lavish lifestyles and telling themselves they're trapped... these are all real outcomes for some girls. Those girls' outcomes are well-documented, but I'm telling you that in my experience they are *not* in the majority. Think about this: how prevalent would you believe ch1ld **66** to be if all you had to judge by were cable news? The vast majority of studies focus on the segments of the sex worker population most likely to promote society's view of prostitutes as damaged, shameful, powerless, pitiable outsiders... which is such bullshit! There is a lot of propaganda on this subject... but read Margo St. James or Annie Sprinkle and check out COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics) if you are interested in a different point of view.
Tomoe's assertion is that it's only sex negativity that hurts women in the biz. But without sex negativity would there be a biz?... Digging a little deeper, I think most human societies harbor some leeriness about capitalism. For instance we hold on to monogamy because we understand that without it rich men would have many wives and poor men would have few -- and that would be an unstable society. This same leeriness is why **31**/pornograpny still holds some stigma. We don't want amoral market forces ruling this area of our lives.
Oooh... I'm going to enjoy responding to this one. It's not *only* sex negativity that hurts women in the biz (plenty of hazards to go around) but I take your meaning. There is a group called COYOTE (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COYOTE) which pushes for decriminalization (rather than legalization) of **31** for exactly this reason. Legalization would increase supply and lower prices, whereas decriminalization would simply make it easier to do business. Personally, I disagree with them on this front - I would like to see us return to a time when women could be worshiped for doing such a job, like the temple prostitutes of old. I think most modern societies hold such strongly sex negative views because they are patriarchal - all gods, no goddesses. I believe if we had the Divine Feminine in our culture - the concept of a sexual goddess - things would be very different. If you look back to Greek and Roman times they had coins printed with a value on one side, and the depiction of a sex act on the other. There is plenty of public ancient art in India, China, Greece, etc. to support the idea that sex negativity is a fairly recent development. If poor men have few wives - but **31** isn't stigmatized - I doubt you'd have an unstable society. It is only when you have large groups of sexually frustrated men that you get societal increases in violence, r4pe, and other sexual acting out (Catholic priests, anyone?). In general, I've noticed that sexually fulfilled men are a pretty amiable lot.
Well... I think that covered the majority of the comments involving me...
Tomoe "we now return you to your regularly scheduled boobies, already in progress" Gozen