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snoopyh42

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Joke Thread MERGED
« on: September 05, 2001, 11:20:00 PM »
A woman buys a mirror from an old antique store and hangs it on the back of her bathroom door. One day after a shower she looks into the mirror and says jokingly...
"Mirror Mirror on the door, make my bust size 44"
POOF! Her breasts become huge! In all the excitment she runs upstairs to her husband and tells him, showing him her huge breasts.
He runs down stairs, takes a shower, gets out, looks into the mirror and says...
"Mirror mirror on the door, make my shlorp touch the floor!"
and his legs fell off...   *Badump-ting!*

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Mammeister

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Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2001, 11:42:00 PM »
Shlorp?    

Why not schlong or wang or cock or old fashioned penis?

Its not funny if the key word in the punchline is too obscure.

Do you get it, Heisenberg?  


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southy

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Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2001, 04:48:00 AM »
SNOOPY,sorry mate ,but that is a FU*KING SHIT joke.Its just CRAP.

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Kenard

  • F Cup
  • 473
Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2001, 05:48:00 AM »
Oh man thats an old one...

Last time I heard it I fell off my dinosaur..

Its older than my grandma and she farts dust..

Last time I heard it was when the Dead Sea was just Sick...

Well, Actually I remember hearing that joke back in 1971. It was the first dirty joke I knew.

Big Boobs to You!

Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2001, 06:11:00 AM »
Awwwwwwww....don't me so mean to Snoopy!!! Hey, Snoop, I laughed!!

Marie  


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Booby_Trapped

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Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2001, 11:07:00 AM »
Why only a 44?
Help! I can't stop staring at her tits.

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MrHHH

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  • 2986
Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2001, 11:52:00 AM »
sheesh, that joke made a bra code violation.

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sheber

  • Shasta'man
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    • http://www.bearchive.com/~shasta/
On the lighter side of life
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2001, 10:59:00 AM »
Everday at lunch, I visit the local Golden Arches Supper Club, and everyday at the drive thru window there is a darling cashier who tells me jokes while I wait in line.

Today there was an unprecedented two jokes waiting for me, as the  drive up was seemingly moving in reverse.

"What's the definition of an archive?

That's where Noah kept his bees.

Joke two:

"What's the definition of a "zebra"?"

It's 26 sizes bigger than an A-bra!

Okay. So they are pretty lame. But what are the odds that those two jokes ended
up back to back, and that they loosely apply to this website?

Now a bit of humor from the Bob and Tom Orchestra...

Big Knockers

The above is a link to a (1.5 meg WAV) song from the cd "Checkered Past"

[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: sheber ]

[Rent this space]

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St Stephan

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Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2001, 06:17:00 AM »
(Actually I see no reason to pick on blondes, but it's become standard, and this is pretty good).

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "Gee, I don't have that much. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect) "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man and walked towards the next room.  The blonde did as she was told and followed.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.  She did.
"Now get on your knees".  She did.
"Now take down my zipper".  She did.
"Now go ahead take it out ...." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands - then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered: "Well... go ahead".
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it... and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said: "Hello, mum, can you hear me?"
0 ((o!< J

[ August 24, 2001: Message edited by: St Stephan ]

Avatar with the gracious approval of the lovely Vanessa Montagne.
BEA members will find the full-sized (1.12 MB) animation,
cleansed of clumsy clowning claptrap by cloddish clerics, here.
For the original pictures, and thousands more, visit Vanessa.

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gOOber

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Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2001, 06:45:00 AM »
....rejoicing in the fullness thereof....

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sebreid

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  • 315
Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2001, 08:12:00 AM »
ROFL

Hope she didn't inhale too hard  


Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2001, 06:44:00 PM »
Ah yes! Reminds me of an old flame.  She had breats so big you could put one in your mouth and hold the other to your ear and talk anywhere in the world.

[ August 26, 2001: Message edited by: BypassCatch22 ]


Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2002, 02:33:00 PM »
Thought i'd repost this here, as the moderators deleted it before, why i dont know. It amazes me that Crappy's posts remain for fucking ages, and yet if we post something about him, it gets deleted. Well, here they are, on the OFF TOPIC board, for those that missed them

"Boobsandbeers gets killed in a horrible hot dog stand incident, and goes to hell, and is greeted by Satan to recieve his final punishments. Satan says with a smile, "Before i make you fully aware of the horrible eternal fate that awaits you, i thought you might like to see what happened to some of those other sinners you used to hang around with at the BEA, who have also joined the ranks of the damned.....They enter a long corridor with 3 doors.....Satan opens door number one, and there is Mammeister, surrounded by 10 flat chested dog ugly 70 year old women, all carrying SEALED cases of beer...."This is Mammeisters punishment for his sinful life and love of big breasted women, and a good beer drinkin' time....Surrounded by 10 ugly old flat chested skanks, and a life time of unopenable beer...This is his hell, for all eternity"....Satan then opens door number two, and there is Transponder, surrounded by a room full of Sable Holliday clones, having their bras removed by Nadine Jensen clones, behind plexiglass barriers, whilst they beg him to do whatever he pleases. "This is Transponders punishment for a sinful life and love of both fake and natural HUMONGOUS breasts..... The ultimate ladies of both worlds, performing every sinful act he's ever dreamed of, behind an unbreakable plexiglass barrier. This is his hell, for all eternity...Satan opens door number three, and there is CAPPY!!.....surrounded by thirty HUGELY endowned, thin waisted dark haired beauties, performing every deviate act Cappy could think of....."How the fuck could this be, Satan?" Boobsandbeers says, "This little shit Crappy is the scourge of the earth, has never done anyone a good turn, and is possibly the most repulsive creature on the face of the earth!...How did he get to spend the rest of eternity in big boobed paradise, fulfilling his every fantasy?!?!"...."Oh no, you misunderstand!" Says Satan...."Those thirty large breasted hookers died when their whorehouse in Texas burnt down, and this is their hell, for all eternity"... "

and

"Crappynuker goes to heaven, and upon arriving at the pearly gates, spies a large wall, filled with clocks, with every living human beings names underneath them, with their hands all moving at different speeds...He says to God, "My lord, what is the purpose of all these clocks?".....God replies, "These are the 'Asshole' clocks, my son....Every time you are an asshole on earth, your clock up here moves forward 5 mins...Crappynuker looks up at Sean_uk1uk's clock, and it's hands are moving pretty slowly, then he looks at yvhydro6668's, and it's moving a bit faster, getting a good head of steam (Hi YV!  )...Then Crappynuker notices there is no clock with Crappy's name under it....."How come Crappy doesnt have a clock here, God?,Says Crappynuker....."He must be the biggest ASSHOLE i have ever met, whats going on?"....."Oh Crappy's clock!", says God....."Thats in the office, we use it as a fucking fan when it gets hot!!"


Hopefully the over zealous moderators wont remove this too.


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Kanodin

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Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2002, 06:49:00 AM »
Cappy is an insertexpletivehere is sufficient around here parts.  You don't need to waste that post on us.  Please don't...

Re: Joke Thread MERGED
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2002, 12:27:00 PM »
Well some liked it kanodin, if you dont you could waste your time and tell me...But please dont