[MunchWolf]

Granted, unfortunately it is too literal, and crashes into your house the next time you wanted to go to the bathroom

-Munch "course if you had a jet I guess you could use the on-board bathroom" Wolf

I wish I didn't have to go to work today

[beachboy]

Granted.  There's a pink slip in your mailbox this morning.

I wish I was 20 pounds lighter.

[herringbone]

Quote:
I wish I was 20 pounds lighter.

Granted.  And we'll even throw in a pair of crutches since you can't walk after the removal of your left leg.

I wish for my 15 minutes of fame... but not by having to shoot up a school or otherwise doing something cosmically dumb.

[Theodore]

Granted, but you are now much shorter as well.

I wish that I was taller, but now abnormally tall.

[HamsterGal]

Granted. That centimeter looks good on you.

I wish I had more self-control.

[mofoapoo]

*pewpew*  now you have much self control, that...you explode...

thats a hard one to make negative...

i wish i could shoot lazers out of my eyes.

[G_I_John]

Granted, but you can't shut them off

I wish the farangdingdong girls were real

[herringbone]

Quote:
I wish the farangdingdong girls were real

Granted, though you don't get to make any more wishes for a week because that one really taxed the resources at Grant-a-Wish.

I wish they would fill the three vacancies in my office with hot young women with big American breasts.

[G_I_John]

Granted, but unfortunately it's 300F in your office

I wish it was next week so I could make another wish

[Theodore]

Sorry, you wish can not go through at this time, it will be granted next week.

I wish that my only true goal in life comes true.

[herringbone]

Quote:
I wish that my only true goal in life comes true.

Granted.  Depending on what your only true goal in life was:
* she grows a mustache,
* it falls off,
* the market value collapses,
* they immediately announce that there's a new one with ten times the features at 1/3 the cost,
* you died from it,
* they outsourced it to India,
* it caused her knees to be permanently glued together, or
* it made you go blind.

I wish I wasn't so ignorable.

[HamsterGal]

Granted, but I'm disappointed. Did you really find beating your high score at Tetris was *that* important?

I wish I don't screw up singing at the funeral tomorrow...  

[G_I_John]

Granted, you lose your voice

I wish... wait, damn still not next week

[robclassact]

granted: you sing fine, too bad it was at the wrong funeral.

I wish I was a baller.

[G_I_John]

Granted, you're now a 6 foot tall walking, talking penis

Still can't freakin' wish