[Ironbeard]

Quote:
Nimrod said:
Well May 5th marks the anniversary of my mom's death. It was odd how fast 1 year went by. I was lucky in that I was able to talk with her (by phone) just before she slipped into a **97**.

Really not feeling "sad" now just very very introspective from time to time.

Odd what one year will do...

Remember the good, remember the bad, but always remember.

Good quote at the end.  Just the bad I so wish I could forget (the bad done to her)   Not strong enough to not feel sadness yet.  So much pain came after and it doesn't seem like its over.  Use to talk to her when I was sad, don't have that anymore.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your mother on tomorrow, the 5th Nimron.

[Hiram]

Nimrod and Ironbeard....and of course to others who have lost a parent.....

I've lost both my parents now - it is hard to not have them.  But both my parents are with me in spirit.

[Hiram]

Really not feeling "sad" now just very very introspective from time to time.

I so identify with that.  I feel the same way after loosing my elderly mother suddenly about 9 months ago.

[Ironbeard]

For me the pain never seems to go away.   I hope you are feeling better and I'm sorry for your loss. 

[AirWolf]

Ironbeard, my heart goes out to you and your family.

I lost my mother to colon cancer 9 years ago, and to be quite honest, the pain of her loss has never lessened in intensity, only in frequency.

I do not know if the sadness will ever ease, but I do know that happiness can be found by those of us who continue to pursue it, not matter how much sadness we bring along with us in the process.

My best wishes to you and your family.

[3deroticer]

My mom just been diagnose with colon cancer, and I'll know by today what stage it is. I already know its for sure stage 2. Otherwise she feels pretty good, and she is in good spirit. She is 78 years old and she also has diabetes, which will be an issue with her treatment. she been working out at a gym regularly to level her blood sugar for 5 years now, so I have hope that she'll pull thru it.

[pedonbio]

Death is one of those odd things we all know will happen, but we don't want it to happen quite yet. My Mom died 20 years ago of a heart attack; my Dad died almost 9 years ago of accumulated old age-- He was 93. We were one of those odd families that talked about all sorts of stuff, especially as my parents got older. Technically my Dad died of kidney failure while in a **97**. His doctor talked with me to see if Dad had indicated what his wishes were. So I told the doc about the various chats I had with Dad, about several of his friends who had dialysis, and Wayne Morse's refusal to have it, and the various ins and outs of dialysis, and Dad's conclusion that he didn't want to do it.

So it went.

[3deroticer]

Test result came back that she also have cancer in the liver, and Friday will be more CAT scan to see where else is have moved to. But she has stage 4 advance cancer. She has a great attitude about this and not afraid of death, but still have a strong will to keep living. Has one more thing to do on her bucket list, and that's to see the Monticello, Thomas Jefferson home.

[solvegas]

Stage 4.  Sorry to hear about that. My mother's cancer has doubled in size inside her left lung in the past 6 months in spite of the chemo. We are going to try a more agressive chemo trearment but if it continues to grow she probably will die soon afterward. She is 81 years old, has lost a bunch of weight and she is listless most of the time. Since her stroke 10 years ago, she is wheelchair bound and unable to talk. We communicate by me asking mostly yes or no questions and she nodding. She agreed to finally start making funeral arrangements, something she did not want to do. Hell, I don't want to do it either but it must be done. You have my sincerest wishes for recuparation but to put it bluntly, pray for a miracle.

[MaxBigfoot]

solvegas and 3deroticer, my deepest sympathies.  My mom lives with me, and it brings tears to my eyes even imagining losing her.  I admire both of your strength.  I send best wishes for a miracle in both of your cases. 

[3deroticer]

My mom moved out here about 4 years ago, and I am so happy she made the move. In the fours years we see each other quite often, Me and my sister has movie weekend with her once a month. My mom has a favorite coffee shop she hangs with her new friend that is a short walk from her place. I met them and they are real nice. She found a progressive church that she really love and met Ghandi's son, and a new best friend that she hangs with. Me and my mom sometime sneak off to a movie by ourselves, or watch something on TV. She has 2 cats to play with and have so many stories of what they did last week that made her laugh. She has a 5 year old great grandson that she plays LEGO with and now she has a 2 year old great granddaughter to play with as well. I got her on **24**, where she found friend she hasn't seen in 30 years, and catching up with that. She lived honestly and rewarding thruout her life to the point that she has a lot to live for, and I think with that attitude, I wouldn't be surprise that she'll fight it out to the end and prolonging life longer than expected. Attitude is everything when it comes to living.

I knew the day was coming perhaps in 10 years or so, being 78 with a few more years with treatment extending it to 80 is just underpar for a full life for most people. She is not afraid of the end, unlike me, so perhaps she will be teaching me the greatest lesson in life in how to complete the circle.

[Ironbeard]

I decided even thought I feel closer to the ways of buddha to follow the tradition of my people and light a  Yahrzeit candle on May 9th.  (none-Jews can read about it here <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bereavement_in_Judaism)" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bereavement_in_Judaism)</a>

I'll post it a few more times in different places online that I'm doing this (as a form of therapy for me and to get more prays)

Hoping other that read this to on May 9th to say a pray for my mom.   Thank you.

Coming up is her 2nd anniversary of her death and will burn another Yahrzeit candle.  The one from last year lasted I think 36 hrs.  Guess that means something, not suppose to last longer than 24hrs. 

This year is a bit different.  It falls right on mothers day.  Every day till then I get more depressed.  I wish it was June already.  Combine that with other stressors.   Just very sad and depressed. 

I quoted myself incase others who lost mothers wanted to do a Yahrzeit candle on mothers day.  Its suppose to be on the anniversary of death but to me its the same.



I'm sorry 3deroticer about your mothers's illness.  She sounds like a progressive (aka smart and living in the now) woman. You should be (bet you are) proud of her.  She sound like she loving life and is very strong.   Wish all the best to both of you.  And as  Maxbigfoot said, a miracle.

[solvegas]

Well, took my mom to see the Doctor because lately all of her stool ( shit ) is coming out black and the Doctor said she is most likely bleeding from an ulcer in her stomach but will have to do more tests and perhaps get the specialist to look down there. Mom has weakened considerably and has lost at least 15 - 20 pounds of weight in the last few months. Her chemo is not working and the cancer has doubled in size in the last six months. I had the Doctor, which has been her personal Doctor for the last 13 years, talk to her and the Doctor was kind but blunt. She told my  mother she may only have six more months to live and the chemo was not worth it anymore. The cancer seems to be much more aggresive and it's spreading much faster. Mom is 81 and she is showing signs of mild dementia but she is still quite lucid. We will stop the chemo and many of the medications which are not really doing much for her anyways. Monday is my day off and we will go to the funeral home and start making the arrangements. I will start looking into hospice care and see how to go about it. My mom is of West Texas german stock and she is not feeling sorry for herself or being emotional. I'm feeling shitty about it. Because of the stroke which left her wheelchair bound and unable to speak, I've been taking care of her these last 10 1/2 years. It's been tough but necessary. Anyways, thanks for letting me talk about it. I realize it ain't sunny or happy talk but I feel better telling someone.

[MrsPacman1]

Solvegas: I am truly sorry for what you are having to endure right now. I agree with you 110% on the importance of having a place like this to just vent for a moment on the not-so-nice things some of us are going through. I can't imagine what kind of toll these last 10+ years have had on your spirit. That being said, thank you for being the kind of person who was up for the challenge.

To all of the rest who have posted in this thread: I am sorry for all of your losses, and thank you for sharing with the rest of us. My empathy and sympathy goes out to you all.

I lost my father to a sudden heart attack in 1993. He was 41, and I was a month shy of my 18th birthday. A nasty drug addiction stole my beautiful little sister in 2002. She was 25. November of 2008, my mom left us. She was 54. That one was the hardest on me. She was on life support and my baby brother and I had to make the decision to let her go. My mom suffered greatly after the losses of my dad and sister...and wouldn't ever have made the decision on her own. She would've wanted my brother and I to symbolically let her know it was "okay".

Every day can be a struggle if I allow it. The only way I have been able to overcome and move forward is to reflect upon the gifts they all gave me as a result of their passing. Dad taught me not to take anyone you love for granted. Joanne gave me my soulmate, Pacman. Mom gave me my second son. This is just the way I have learned to live with it...and keep on living. I would rather just stay sane most days. But truly, it just plain sucks. There's nothing that will make you feel like you are 5 years old and need mom and dad like losing them in the blink of an eye.

Two of my favorite quotes are both by Frankl...personally, I am comforted by them.

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

Thanks for letting me share.


 

 

[Pacman]

Awwww.... love you sweetie.