[solvegas]

Thanks for your kind words Mrspacman1. Compared to you I've had it pretty easy. To die at 25, 41 and 54 respectively is pretty bad IMO. Almost everybody on both sides of my family die mostly of old age and its consequences. While taking care of mom ( my parents divorced 38 years ago ) has not been easy, the thought of placing her in a old folks warehouse was not acceptable. I was lucky to have space for her which she could live. I know when she leaves this world she will be in a better one which is conforting for her and me. 

[onion_writer]

I've read this thread several times, and I just feel helpless and empty -- emotionally poor. I wish I could offer help that would make a difference.

Ironbeard, I am so, so sorry.

Solvegas -- you and your mother are in my thoughts.

[pedonbio]

I went thru this stuff a few years ago, and I've tried to keep my mouth shut unless I have something I know would be useful. To the extent it is possible, please talk to elderly and/or sick parents as much as you can about what their thoughts are about death and the awful process that gets us there. And maybe the best time to see a grief counselor is BEFORE the death. I had several issues come up that I didn't recognize as grief...

[rtpoe]

That's sound advice for everyone, no matter what your age.

In your 30s, make sure someone can get to your key documents in case you are out of action for a good while. That includes all your e-mail lists and web forums so they can post an announcement, if need be (see certain threads right on this forum).

In your 40s, make sure there's a second name on all your accounts. Just in case.

In your 50s, start planning for the inevitable, and make sure people know what your desires are. The really good nursing homes have long waiting lists....

I'm in a situation where I have to worry about such things. In my generation in my family, I have two sisters and ten cousins. Only three of them are married, and there is no next generation.

[solvegas]

Early today, May 26th, 2010, my mother died. I had tucked her into bed at about 7 PM yesterday and, when I woke up at 5 AM today to shower her and dress her for the day, she was dead in her bed. I thank God for mercifully taking her away during her **82** since I know she did not suffer unnecesarily. She had declined very quickly this past week and had refused to eat for the two prior days. She had a terrible time swallowing any fluids for the past week. She had a stage 4 cancer of the left lung and in April we discontinued the chemo since it wasn't controlling anything anymore. The funeral will be on Saturday the 29th at 3 PM. She will be cremated and her ashes will be distributed throughout the family, one main urn which I will keep and five small ones for my sister and 4 grandkids. My baby brother will get my urn when I die.  She was 81 years old.

[onion_writer]

You have my sincere condolences. I'm glad that you're reaching out to speak with others, at least here. Please continue to share your feelings with us. I'm sure that we all want to join in making your burden lighter -- though we of course cannot. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

[solvegas]

Thanks. This being my favorite site ( along with Instapundit ) I like coming here and being just one of the guys. I'm not the only member that has lost a precious person so I feel there are people here that will be sympathetic. I took care of her for 10 1/2 years since she had her stroke so It will be weird not having to do it anymore. It went so fast though. Just 11 days ago we went to the mortuary to do the arrangements and she was not good but I thought she would be around another 2 - 6 months. I wonder if she just decided it was time to go and not dilly-dally. Since she was unable to speak due to the stroke I could only guess what she was thinking. I know she is in heaven though ( yes, I believe in that ) and in a better place than this.

[mcgarp]

You have my condolences.  As you are fellow believer, take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place.  81 years is a long and full life and I'm sure she is now looking down on you with love.
McGarp

[gonZo]

Sol, my condolences to you and your family.

[solvegas]

Thank you. Today the family arrives mostly from California and will hopefully go smoothly when the ceremony is done Saturday. Packing her clothes and personal effects has been very tough. They all have memories attached to them.  I'll get rid of them by giving them to charity those I can't or my siblings can't use but it ain't fun. Actually, I don't want to do anything, but I must. Bummer.

[MaxBigfoot]

sol, I also offer my deepest condolences at your loss.  I also am taking care of my mother, and I can only imagine how I'll feel when she passes away.  Hopefully I have a couple of decades before I'll have to face what you're facing now.  I'll lift a drink in her honor.  (I'm mostly Irish, and wakes are a good way to let loved ones go, I've found).

[gOOber]

I am sorry for your loss.

[rtpoe]

Wish I could be at the funeral in person. The best I can do is send you my condolences here.

[homevintner]

my deepest condolences to tou and your family.

[Zorro]

My condolences to you and your family.