[JustMeMike]

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The person behind you in the supermarket runs
his cart into the back of your ankle.

The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on or off.

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

It's bad enough that you step in dog **107**, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.

The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks
at EVERYTHING.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

You drink from a soda can into which someone
has extinguished a cigarette. (Yuck!)

You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

A station comes in brilliantly when you're
standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts
and has fits every time you move away.

There are always one or two ice cubes that
won't pop out of the tray.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the
pocket and your entire laundry comes out
covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because
you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

You rub on hand cream and can't turn the
bathroom doorknob to get out.

People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

Your glasses slide off your ears when you
perspire.

You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.

You're at your local newsstand and its a small store. There's no way to pick up a copy of your favorite big boob skin magazine and browse through quickly without being watched. And doesn't it always happen that you are always browsing just as someone you know walks in,sees you, and comes over to chat.

This is JustMeMike    

[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: JustMeMike ]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

those are great!  please allow me to add a few...

No matter how deeply you bury the bodies, there's always some extra dirt left over afterwards.

When you drink too much tequila, Mescalito appears in a magical puff of smoke and tells the bartender that you've had enough.

You're almost positive you were wearing a condom when you started.

Just when you've finally caught the eye of the busty redhead at the bar, an improperly-prepared serving of cherries jubilee sets fire to your waiter.

You go to the doctor and say, "Doc, it hurts when I do this," and he laughs and says, "So don't do that," and then sticks a big cold metal thing up your ass anyway.

You hear through the office grapevine that your boss is planning to fire you, but when you confront him about it, it turns out he has decided instead to dismember you with an electric hedge trimmer.

Your date tells you she's going to slip into something more comfortable, and later you find out she meant your checking account.

Your girlfriend gives you a case of genital warts, but tells you it's okay because you need all the help you can get.

People don't explode when you wish they would.

[southy]

Wow........if all these things make you crazy we've got a pair of full blown loons.........oh shit.

[sebreid]

Add writers block, driving me bloody crazy!

[DTM]

Great stuff JustMeMike. Here is the rest.

   http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/fr/519121/posts

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Post more! These are wickedly funny!!!  

Pillow boobs to **82**, hard boobs to grab, sqeezed boobs to homerun!  

[ElmerFudd]

Those canned sales pitches you now get when you pull into almost all of the drive-in restaurants (McDonalds, Burger King, etc.).

[3deroticer]

I moved deeper to the city! try listening to the can sales pitch in some obscure non-english accents. Is it me, but does it seem no one speak english at fast food place?

[TheRover]

Do you mean the ones that go "would you like fries/a milkshake/a dessert with that?"

If so, I get them at Sonic all the time too.

[ElmerFudd]

Actually, I'm referring to a recorded message that they play that hawks one or another of their food choices (probably because they stocked too much of it! ).

Though I'm also not happy with the "Supersize" question, or "Do You Want to Make this a Value Meal" question!

Elmer"Not To Mention the 'Do You Want Cheese On That (On Something That Is Already A Slab of Cholesterol) Question"Fudd

[ElmerFudd]

Here's an oldy but goody:

Four-way Stop sign intersections.  Nobody has the legal right-of-way!  What idiot thought up that!

[BigDave]

Elderly drivers. Need i say more?  

[TheRover]

I would have said the person with the largest vehicle.  If you are in Texas, that's a tough one.

[MasterDragonfly]

People who don't signal.

People who lazily drift from one lane to another.  Without signalling.

People who display a modicum of road rage because you're driving the speed limit (or arguably a bit faster, but since they have the capacity to floor it, they do), so they roar past you and cut in front of you and take the very next right turn, **77** you to slow down abruptly, instead of waiting the extra 3 seconds (and saving fossil fuels formed on this planet eons ago) and waiting till you pass the driveway/intersection they're aching to turn down.

Parking my car either with 0, 1 or 2 cars next to me, but when I come back outside, I'm flanked by 2 vans/trucks.  Bonus points if one/both decided to park extra close to my car, making ingress a genuine challenge.

Finding that one gas pump which decides to dispense fuel agonizingly slow.  Just for me.

Any meeting which is scheduled before 9:00am.  Or before my first coffee.  Whichever comes second.

People who make unreasonable requests, and think that yelling is the missing lubricant to soothe one from their chafing.

Insects, arachnids and other such critters which seem to enjoy being in my living quarters instead of in the great outdoors, communing with the rest of Mother Nature.

The list goes on.  

[gOOber]

 I wish women wouldn`t hit on me all the time. I`m not just a sex object.