[ned1212]

So I married a big busted woman approximately* 15-20 years ago.  

She has been between 36DD and 36DDD** most of this time.  We're talking naturals that resemble basketballs more than cantaloupes. She is a ringer for Sophia Loren.  I didn't marry her *for* her bust-line but it was definitely in the back of my mind that she could get old and gray and I was always going to be sexually happy.  And I did not want to spend my whole life drooling over other guys' women .. why not have my own woman be the one I drool over, if I could find someone who fit the bill and was a nice person?  There are plenty of men out there who don't want big girls, I reasoned, and won't marry them no matter how sweet their personalities.  So why shouldn't this be a major checkbox on my dance card?

I have to say it was a mistake. We are still married, and get along fairly well sometimes, but now that I am older I miss having someone that I have a lot of common interests with.   And I am at the point now where I can almost say that the sex, what there is (see below), was not worth it in exchange for having someone who is just nice.  

She says she loves me, but is in a foul mood around me 85% of the time.  When she agrees to sex it has to be very formulaic:  she needs 3 or 4 or 5 beers (or mixed-drink equivalents) and it has to be on the bed, not any place else, not in the shower ... nothing.  It's ne'er well impossible for her to do fantasy, role-playing, different positions, etc. And we disagree radically about frequency.  I know myself, and I need twice per week, really, to keep focused on my work and not turn in to the Wolfman. She, oth, wouldn't complain if it was once a month .. so we end up compromising at about once every ten days (including periods of "no go" that seem to last 7-10 days.)

The thing that hurts is that she could turn me into a purring kitten with the right exploitation of my breast fetish, but she just doesn't want to.  She may be depressed, I don't know.  But what I do know is that I was led to expect more interest in sex .. and a general all-around more loving attitude, based on when we were dating.  She probably expected a different life for herself, too, to be fair.  We have a larger passel of kids than most*, which does keep both of us tired out.  A clue for me is that she can't miss her hour-long soap opera, no matter what may be happening of real importance that day.  Soap operas, I describe as simply "porn for women".  She gets frustrated about her weight, quite a bit (it doesn't bother me though).

I don't mean to say that sex is the sole issue.   It's general bitchy attitude, which started pretty soon after we got married but has gotten worse.  Housekeeping (she is a stay-at-home Mom) is a big problem.  (Does this "run in the family" with big bust queens? I do have sympathy for anyone trying to bend down and do cleaning with those boulders getting in the way).

So guys, gals, feel free to blast away at poor old Ned.  I need the medicine, whether its bitter or sweet.  If there are others out there in the same boat it will make me feel good.   If not, alas, I guess I am a lone fool.  I am religious (atheists, please don't prejudge me), so it has occurred to me that God is punishing me for my excessive lust plus the unusually large number of small-chested girls (whom I shouldn't have been dating in the first place) whose hearts I broke.  A couple of them are looking pretty good right now.

And for heaven's sake, if you do have any marital advice, please share it.  I am committed to staying in it.

Just in case you're wondering ... I've kept myself in excellent shape, have no gray, and look 15 years younger than my age, people tell me.

Bottom line.  In retrospect, I think I gave her a pass on some personality and mood issues because of the bust and beauty. I was blind.

So I guess this is a sad topic: how our breast obsession may ruin us.  A warning to younger BEA members.

And if you married our entered into a long-term relationship with a woman who was big-busted (or are a big-bust girl who entered into a relationship with a man whom you know was extra appreciative of your breast size) please share how it worked out for you.

/s/ Ned

*I'm scared to death of her finding this someday, or maybe posthumously so I won't give exact numbers.
**Maybe even bigger.  I seem to remember her saying something about a 36G once.  I still don't know how really standardized bra sizes are in the upper realm, but I should.

[pedonbio]

I married a very short (4'10") woman in 1977, who was rather well-endowed (30G to 32G usually; depended on her period and the weather.) We separated in 1978 and were divorced soon after. Her habit of expressing displeasure was to throw knives. Her aim was lousy and the make-up sex was great. It sounds pathetic, but that was okay with me. However, she left anyway. She's been married at least four times since (There was one ambiguous episode where she may not have been married, but got divorced anyway.) I've been married once since, and am doing fine.

My other wives (one before, one after) were busty, but not spectacular. There were a few I lived with, but that doesn't count.

Advice? Hmmm. 1) Don't marry your high school sweetheart. 2) Always leave the toilet seat down. 3) Clinical psychologists make great wives.

[J25]

3) Clinical psychologists make great wives.

Duly noted.   Psychology seems like a common field of study with females I end up in conversation with this past year.  Perhaps I shall view this in a new light.


Edited to say, I have never been married, and never been in a relationship longer than 2 yrs.

[pedonbio]

Duly noted.   Psychology seems like a common field of study with females I end up in conversation with this past year.  Perhaps I shall view this in a new light.


Edited to say, I have never been married, and never been in a relationship longer than 2 yrs.

Yeah, but the really important point is #2.

[bignatslover]

Ned I wonder if there is hope down the road when all the offspring have grown and moved on?  Maybe it's just too hard now with all the young'uns around.

[MrsPacman1]

Oh, Ned...Ned....Ned.

Thank you for sharing with all of us. It takes courage to come out and tell us your story. Even if it is a forum you can hide behind. I commend you for that.

I could talk about what seems to be the trouble all day. But the truth of the matter is, I don't really know what the situation looks like from on the inside. That said, I can give you my input.

Your wife is unhappy. Period. Maybe it's her job - or lack thereof, maybe it's her life, maybe it's you, who really knows? It certainly sounds like there is resentment toward you from what you've written, and it seems to also be eating away at you, too. You have to be willing to take responsibility for what you do and say in the relationship, whether good or bad. So does she. Until she realizes that, don't expect much more from her. Even so, I'm glad you are committed to "sticking it out".

Generally speaking, women are hoodwinked into believing that men are knights in shining armor who will swoop in and slay the dragons - only to live happily ever after. It starts with that first cartoon movie depicting this absolute farce, and slowly develops into Twilight (or other bs romance novels) and soap operas. Once all the smoke clears, we come to a point where we either realize it was all a lie, or even worse - we think, "OMG! It's not supposed to be like this...what is wrong with me (or him)". There are k1ds, bills, dirty kitchen floors, piles of laundry and a car that barely runs anymore. You get the picture  It's not your fault, it's just the way a little girl is brought up. I know men have their own smokescreen to see through, but I'm just pointing out the female version. 

Make the time to acknowledge there is a problem, and then do what you feel is best to fix it. Counseling isn't a bad idea.

On a personal note - I have 2 boys under 5, and have been with my husband for 7 years. We both run a small motel on our own, so we work and live on site. I do most of the ch1ld care and home stuff while Pac does the motel business (except the paperwork - that's mine). There are days I want to rip my hair out and run screaming into Lake Michigan with the job that I have. I can't imagine having more than that to contend with. After a particularly hectic day, there are moments where even I need a few drinks before I can even entertain the notion of a sexual encounter.

Mrs*and I'm a 5 times a week kind of lady  *Pacman

[Nimrod]

Ned -
Thanks for sharing your concerns and also some of the insight you have gained over the years.
For what it is worth, I feel you have acknowledged why you feel you were attracted to your spouse in the first place only to later gain either the maturity or experiences to realize that you both need to cultivate more significant aspects within the relationship.

See here too: http://forum.bearchive.com/index.php/topic,9980803.0.html

It sounds like what both of you started out with was more physical and that is normal but that finding additional common ground is and has been more of a challenge. She obviously was attracted to you enough to get married as well so she may be experiencing the same thing you are just from her side of the fence.

I recently read a surprisingly different approach to making a relationship, any relationship, work. Do not strive for finding a middle ground, or a balance, or even a compromise. Rather, focus on what each of you do the best. If there is something that neither of you like doing, like say the laundry, one of you is still going to be better at it - so they get to do it. After a bit of consideration both of you will realize that everything in your lives is like that... one of you is better at it.

So don't force the issue. Focus on doing all things that you are better at and let her do everything that she is better at. Everything will get done and it will happen the best it can because the best person is doing it - you or her. Together you both will end up being the others appreciative audience. The key is to make sure to appreciate the effort and to expect it in return.
If appreciation is not given or received then that is where the disconnect is happening.

You did not marry just because of her breasts and she did not marry you only for your deceptively youthful physique. But you both got married because there was something you saw in each other. If that really is no longer there then throw in the towel, but I feel you are deluding yourself to think that the relationship was founded on such a tenuous foundation. Your disclosure here is a clue that it was not.

We atheists do not prejudge we hypothesize, there are plenty of other world views that have the judgment thing down.

[Shara]

I can't speak for my husband... because he hates it when I do that (all the time), but so far marriage is going great for me

[ned1212]

Thank you for the responses. I had a hunch that I would get some sensitive comments and not just flames and disses on this board. (Which someone from outside BEA might say, "You post sensitive stuff to a porn site? What do you expect to get??).  But this has worked out well.  Big ups to you all.

[pedonbio]

Thank you for the responses. I had a hunch that I would get some sensitive comments and not just flames and disses on this board. (Which someone from outside BEA might say, "You post sensitive stuff to a porn site? What do you expect to get??).  But this has worked out well.  Big ups to you all.

That's us--"The Sensitive Porn Site".

[MasterDragonfly]

Not sure what to say here. Sounds like you've been introspecting for some time now. Understandably so.

Don't beat yourself up about her having had some great attractions. You could have been particularly enamored with something else about her. Like her ass. Or her eyes. Or her fantastic cooking.

I certainly didn't pick my first wife for having large breasts. Mainly because she didn't have them.

But she came from a different culture, speaking a different language. And I was enamored with that. It wasn't the only thing of course, but it was something quite clearly unique about her, something that made her stand out.

I chose to split with her. She always seemed to have something to complain about. The joy seemed to be largely gone. I didn't hate her, I'd just lost interest in her. And I certainly wasn't feeling warmth from her.

I remarried, this time to a woman who had something more to start with. Not massive, but she did choose to go bigger with a little help. She was quite pleased, I was quite pleased.

But again, it wasn't just about the boobs. We crack each other up on a regular basis, we share a lot of the same interests, same movies, same music, same religious and political viewpoints. I'm her computer geek and handyman, she boots me out of the kitchen and the laundry to take care of cooking/cleaning because she knows she can do it quickly and easily. I can still pack the dishwasher better than she can, though but I grew up with one, she didn't.

I'd be tempted to suggest marriage counseling. (I say this, knowing that when my sister suggested I go for marriage counseling with my first wife when I told her it was over, my response back to my sis had some bite to it.) In your case, it sounds like things could actually end up in a better place.

I guess the question is, do you want to try to salvage it? If so, then take the first step in doing something about it. (And if you think opening the discussion with the theme "do you want to go with me to a marriage counselor?", just imagine how difficult having the other discussion, "should we get a divorce?" could be.)

[ned1212]

She always seemed to have something to complain about. The joy seemed to be largely gone. I didn't hate her, I'd just lost interest in her. And I certainly wasn't feeling warmth from her

This sounds very familiar to me! 

Yes I do want to salvage.  However ... marriage counseling ... I am not sure she'd go for.  She is not verbal or introspective. 

Thanks for the reply mdf ... sorry I didnt catch it earlier.

[MrsPacman1]

Well, I truly believe that if you were to work on yourself - regardless of if she wants to, something good will come of it. Even if that something good is realizing you're the one with the problems.

Pointing fingers at each other doesn't do anything but create a bigger rift, and a lot more resentment. Take responsibility for you. That's all you can really do. She has to do that for herself as well.

Mrs*be the change*Pacman

[picktin]

I don't come to this site for mental intrigue, but am englightened when this sort of topic does appear.

I'm younger than you but not young enough that I can hide behind the ignorance of youth.  I've left two great relationships because in both cases she'd made her boobs bigger for me - but they weren't big enough and she ultimately would go no further (into the truly large sizes that I 'require'). I love both of these women and still support them.  We are amicable.

I am so fortunate in other aspects of my life but my personal life is a wreck - because of this .... addiction.  In the 4 1/2 months now that I have been single - I've made horrible choices. All purely out of this .... addiction.

It is an addiction - I know this.  And I know the only way out.  I'm just not choosing it ... yet.

A person who marries someone in large part because of the size of her breasts - definitely either is or is close to being an addict.  We can rationalize and justify, but on some sub-conscious level - her breast size was a strong reason why the original poster married her.  In my case - staying in the committed relationship is dependent on the volume of saline in her breast implants.

So if you come to this forum strictly for pleasure and not to indulge your addiction, then enjoy.  But if your thoughts of indulgence ultimately leave you anxious and/or depressed, you either are or are on the road to being - an addict.

Enough blovating - off to indulge the actions that my libido thinks will make me happy but my sub-conscious knows never will...

[ned1212]

Interesting. I noticed that the phrase " ultimately leave you anxious and/or depressed" is frequently heard in advertising relating to drugs.  No matter. It is what it is it. Or "isn't what it isn't". I would like to think that it is no more of an addiction than any other thing you may look forward to seeing as an attribute in a potential spouse. Some women may insist on a man who is handy around the house and seek out that characteristic. Are they addicted? Well, I would admit that big breast fascination is something much more subliminal. But the effect maybe close to the same. In other words, you are so fixated on an exterior quality, be it sexual or nonsexual, about your potential spouse that you overlooked all the other things that are necessary for a harmonious relationship. Thoughts?

For the record I am a big naturals fan and wouldnt be asking for any enhancement.  I am eternally satisfied ... just want my wife to "feel me" better, not be cranky 24-7, give me more and better sex and keep up with a minimal amount of housework.