[gOOber]

....the more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

[pedonbio]

...you could make a decent living if you got paid minimum wage for the time it takes you to piss.

It took me a few minutes to figure that one out, gonZo. Of course, I don't have a computer in the bathroom...

[Zealot]

...you don't rush to catch the newest teaser footage of the latest upcoming blockbuster superhero flick.

[luvdemwhoppers]

when watching  "hair club for men" seems right

[pedonbio]

...working at a minimum wage job you could pay your way thru college.

[gOOber]

.....even cute cheerleaders can whip your ass.

[pedonbio]

...you debate with yourself whether to write "through" or "thru".

[CartonHero]

...you provided more than two answers in this thread.
...people are adding "You're lasting well!!!" to wishing you a happy birthday.

[gonZo]

...Death keeps tapping you on the shoulder and correcting your spelling.

[DruulEmpire]

This thread dedicates a lot to the ordeal of peeing, but I would also note that I only just this morning got past four solid days of constipation.

I think of Jack Palance in "City Slickers" saying he crapped bigger than Billy Crystal, and I wonder what the hell he was bragging about.

[gonZo]

Congratulations for not exploding. 

[DruulEmpire]

Found this elsewhere:

Your favorite porn stars are playing MILFs.

[DruulEmpire]

Faceb00k tells me that Dr. Oz wants me to lose two stones.  I don't doubt it.

[gonZo]

...every Christmas, Santa and the Grim Reaper meet next to your chimney and flip a coin.

[Robin_K2]

You know you're getting old when you spend the day being absolutely pissed because someone born three years before you started your professional career gets the job you wanted -- at a place you've already worked at for 12 years.

Which happened to me today, and I have nowhere else to vent.