Robin_K
Thanks for the info - I haven't logged in in a bit, so this is belated, but I do want to thank you.
Interestingly, a friend of mine who is also a recovering alcoholic spoke (hasn't had a drink in years) with her. He said that, while he's not qualified to judge, his guess is that she's as near as 100% as he's confident in saying. He goes on occasion to a meeting, and did mention (some time back) that I might find something of interest (I haven't gone yet) - I'll have to ask if it's an A.A. only, or also Al-Anon group. He invited her go to, and after about 3 attempts with her having some reason why she couldn't make it, dropped it. I'd offered to go with her or not go, whichever she was more comfortable with.
She skipped **94** for a week. That was proof that she didn't have a problem, as she explained it to me.
I'd also read an article about addiction (written by an alcoholic after he'd been a few years without **94**), and it went into a lot of the other behaviors that are typical (like getting bored easily, etc) that seemed to fit her to a T.
**94**-wise, she may have hit bottom at one point - she may have bounced away from it a little. I know that once, I BARELY heard the slight noise it makes... then I found myself holding her head up out of the blankets so that she didn't almost drown in a pool of her own **113**.
That only happened once. I imagine that for most people, they don't live for it to happen a second time. It was a shock to me in a surreal way, how quiet and gentle such vomiting is. I almost did NOT notice it, and probably would've found a corpse the next morning. One Ambien plus a half-liter (maybe slightly more) of vodka in the course of about 2 hours.
I didn't know that, if they pass out, you're supposed to have them hospitalized. I didn't know that, in that condition, they're not likely to let you out without talking about substance abuse.
She woke up the next morning and went to a job interview, with no trouble.
To hear her say it, she drinks less now. She always seems to drink less. Admittedly, the last time she said that, we went to a bar (to play pool) and she ordered a beer, and I guess the bartender knew her already because before she said she wanted a beer, the bartender asked "Double shot of tequila?"
Maybe she'll find a lower bottom. I don't know. Lower than "nearly died" seems an unlikely place to find and still be able to come back. Someone at 43 shouldn't be making excuses why it's ok to drive when smashed "when it's only a mile down the road" or come up with a reason why it's ok to mix your own bottle of vodka and OJ, drink it while driving to the city, because "They don't let you drink in the parking lot, and the drinks at the club are too expensive". Oddly, even while sober, she defended these behaviors for a while before gradually saying that, yes, those were incredibly bad ideas.
I wish I could say that the **94** was the ONLY problem. It's not. My therapist was pretty convinced that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and/or Borderline Personality Disorder. I did some research, and found the four "Cluster B" disorders.
- Antisocial (not the same as Asocial, which is actually what most people think of when they say Antisocial)
- Borderline
- Histrionic
- Narcissistic
Having gone through all the symptoms of all four of them combined, I find only a few that she does NOT exhibit.
Given how long things were going south, and how badly the "up and down" and "on again, off again" relationship was with her, I wonder why I still am open to contact with her.
Well, I know why. Two reasons:
1 - Because, despite her problems, there really was a good side to her (that the bad side seemed hell-bent on murdering and burying)
2 - Because (as you have succinctly put it) I am ill. I didn't think of it that way before, and it's an eye opener.
I really appreciate your insight into this. I do have to do something. I'll probably avoid the medication, but I'll have to hit Al-Anon or a therapist. Possibly both.