Been braking my body at work for weeks. Finally have time off to heal. My hands are wrapped so I can RICE. Taking my meds and just trying to **82** as much as I can. Not celebrating any holidays this year. My reasons to celebrate are gone. I tried to talk thing out with my family but they are selfish, tackless and think everything is a joke. I had a shimmer of hope I could relax and heal my mind too when I came home from work. Only to see my parking spot given away and the device that would help me relax finally after weeks of waiting was stolen from me by my brother.
There have been more upsetting thing since yesterday and before but it comes down to this. I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. I've been clean for 12?years since my last failed attempt. So I'm not go do it. I'm still stong enough to stop myself. And if I'm not I have the suicide prevention hotline website abd phone number. For now. I'm going to lay on a couch. Taking my pills hope to become **61** soon. Just so tired. With everything.
I'm in recovery myself. Thanks for sharing.
I've been suicidal a couple times. Pal actually checked in with me a few times. He was very nice. Pedonbio once had problems, too. So let we BEAers pay back some of the help we've received. That goes for anyone out there.
The holidays suck, of course. You are not alone.
I'm on four kinds of medication. I hate them. And you can sure as hell bet that I take them every day! (Some of them three times a day.)
Unless you're on one of the older meds, such as lithium, you're probably on a
serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. In short, you have to create the serotonin in the first place, or else medication won't work. Ways to do this include working out, sex (with another or -- ahem -- alone), laughing and, for me, playing a musical instrument. Whatever makes you happy even momentarily -- then the meds can kick in.
Alcohol elevates serotonin, but afterward your levels fall even lower. I might as well drink poison.
I'm sure you've heard the old saying, that "There's the family we're born with, and then there's the family we choose." Friends and such. It took me a long time to learn a simple lesson:
That I should hang out only with people who are nice to me. Some people are just toxic, make me feel bad about myself or are just snots.
In A.A., in chapter five, we would say these people are merely "spiritually ill." I like that idea very much, because it is so Christian. And incredibly condescending.

Anyway, fuck 'em. And not in a pleasant BEA way.
Finally, it's a cliche, but it's also true:
Depression is not a sign you are weak.
It's a sign that you have been strong for too long.So treat yourself! Movies, ice cream and chocolate (really; sugar is chemically close to alcohol, without the bad effects), porn, jumping jacks -- whatever works! I find strip clubs to be enormously useful.

Or hell! Just find a Hooters!
Maybe an A.A. meeting? Call in sick to work if you want. Because you
are sick. You need to first take care of yourself and get well again. And you will. Meanwhile, would you go to work if you had pneumonia? Of course not. So be selfish. It's allowed! And remember, this is just temporary.
And please check back with us? You are not alone. You are a part of this community and we take care of our own.