Just promise us the following things:
1. He will be allowed to play with supersoakers, nerf guns, dodgeballs, and other fun childhood toys.
2. He can watch kickass cartoons and play cool video games when he's a **22** to teen.
3. He can spell Schwartzenegger, Stalone, Snipes, Van Damme, and Dwayne by the time he's 9.
4. He avoids MTV, Disney channel, and most Nickelodeon programming, and will have a diet of Sci-fi, Comedy Central, all the learning and arts channels, and Cartoon Network. (And if you want ESPN, and an intelligent news channel....well, they might exist)
5. He respects all body types and doesn't tease girls when they develop.
6. He is taught the "weenies" of politics.
7. He will avoid the teenage "divabitches"
8. He will get religion of some kind as a background. (Hell, I'm doing the same one day with my [censored] , I won't like the whole church thing, but it'll work out better any kid has some background)
9. He does not live in California...two [censored] just got sentanced for spitball shooting.
10. Most importantly: He learns to respect the classic true spirit of Christmas movie: Die Hard.
J Yippie Kay-YAY Motherfucker!!!!! -okay enough of my stupidity.