https://applerankings.com/"Brian Frange is a comedian and writer who has been yelling about apples for years."
He rates apples according to their eatability; baking and cider-making aren't important.
And he piles on the snark:
Cortland: "Aside from the striking white flesh and splash of tartness, there’s not much good that can be said about the damp hacky sack left outside a frat house all winter known as the Cortland Apple.... A cold weather apple that can’t stay fresh for very long, the not-Geneva Apple loses its fledgling tartness, paltry sweetness, and illusory crispness too quickly to provide average consumers the opportunity to avoid eating slimy white dirt."