[Goldeneye]

quote:Originally posted by F-Cup Fitzgerald:

I see what the difficulty is now. Our good friend Invisible Pervert has the mixed blessing to have the soul of a poet. Trust me (as someone who's written a few poems), rejection is agony on the soul, but great for the poetic muse. I've written some of my best stuff as a direct result of being rejected. It's the only consolation. And wouldn't you know it, when times were good, the muse totally dried up.

Haha, I totally know how that is.  I wrote some really (artistically) great stuff when I was in my depressed period in middle and especially high school.  My depression got worse every year until it hit its apex my senior year.  I raised self-pity to an art form.  Being a dramatic person by nature, I spent every day in epic depression.  Looking back, I was a real basketcase and I ought to reimburse the friends who put up with me, LOL.  But especially that senior year, I wrote some great things, both poetry and not.  After I started coming out of it, I wrote one or two really good poems, and I don't think I've written any more since.  It's been awhile.  I can still write
other stuff just as well, just not poetry.  Odd.  And yes, I do think that those that are proficient in a particular art or arts somehow feel the pain much worse when hurt by love, especally writers, actors, musicians, and artists.  Don't know why.  Not to knock others' pain, either.

Oh, and very well said, Johnny.

[Chamberlain]

My answer would be an unqualfied "Yes!" ( with the exception of the snot part (which I guess is technically a qualification))
But remember children, follow The Chamberlain's golden rule for success:  the ratio of time spent looking into the eyes versus looking at the breasts is directly proportionate to the chances of handling said breasts!  

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Invisible Pervert, I can only say one thing:  "To everything there is a season...."

Isolation has this pesky way of breaking (I was antisocial to the point of hiding when others were around and at school, I would just find a quiet corner of the playground), and I isolated myself since I was 8....it took 14 years to break it open, and it was only because of people around me, friends who cared.  Isolationism only works if no-one else is around  .   It's different for everyone, no doubt, but I think the key is you just get tired of the isolation after so long and you'll open up to someone, and things start going back up hill from there.
Best wishes to you, and safe journey.

[invisible pervert]

Hey thanx loadrunner.

Well it has helped a great deal, talking to all of you.

One of my worries about my own isolation (i had no choice in where I live don't have the cash to move out etc) was opend to me at a family do.

Spent most of the time being miserable, (hate family do's they really get up my nose) went to the loo and the door lock jammed (lol).

So there I am stuck in the loo, isolated.

To cut to the chase. It dawned on me afterwards this: -

You spend so much time in isolation, then when people are around (in this case for example my whole family)you go into isolation. If you spend too much time in isolation you may find the journey back to the world is no longer a choice you can make (ie me being locked in the loo in this case).

Eventually you will stay locked away and people will forget about you.

This is my worry. Too much and too long and the journey back to society will eventually become impossible, and the choice will no longer be mine and people will shun me, just because on a life style that I chose in self defence of rejection.

Lots of my thoughts are influenced by this problem of isolation and rejection, just hope that this season does eventually have an end.

[Pacman]

Hey invisible, let me me chime in on this quick.

You remind of a friend I have a lot.

This guy hadn't had a girlfriend for years and years, and it inspired him to lose weight. And I'm talking serious weight. Like 80 lbs of weight.

Anyway, once he pulled it off he found the girl of his dreams. Or so he thought.

She left him for a girl. And that fucks up a guys ego like you wouldn't believe.

Since this happened, I've started talking to him more. I should have done that in the first place.

But now, he's a different person. Every time I talk to him, he tells me he wants to die. Every single time. And now he's so obsessed with finding a girl, that he comes off to everyone else as a predator, when in reality he's looking for someone to save him. He rarely leaves the home, and when he does it's to find girls at the mall. He doesn't understand that he's become creepy. He is so impatient to for something new, that not only will it take him forever to find it, if he does it will probably never work because all he wants is a crutch.

Anyway, I've tried to get him out of this by being a close friend to him. I try to steer him in the right direction, and it's slowly but surely working. I got him interested in playing music again, and being more social in general.

I firmly believe he'll meet someone if he searches in the right environment and has a good head on his shoulders.

You need friends before you need a woman. Why? Well almost everyone I know is either dating/married to a friend, or someone they met through a friend. When you know 2 people, the chances of meeting 3 more through them get much greater.

There's strength in numbers. And sometimes people will be attracted to you because of what they KNOW about you and not just because of the way you look.

I knew Ms. Pac as an acquaintance for about SIX years before I hooked up with her. She dated so many people I know it's ridiculous. I dated people she knew. We would have never ever guessed we'd be together at any point. It just happened. I started a new job, and there she was. The only person there I actually knew. She got me through training. Within a week we were shacked up at my house.

And that was 3 years ago, now I've asked her to marry me.

Don't end up like my friend. You'd be surprised how many people rate you by your insides and not your outsides. And have patience.

[invisible pervert]

Creepy?! Well that's not good.

Oh great well that's about puts the tin lid on it.

Shit.

Once women see you like that, that's it. Oh great, fucking wonderful.

Helloooo singlesville.

[F_Cup_Fitzgerald]

Gee, Pac, way to mess with the guy's head! Thanks a bunch! We're trying to get IP back in circulation, not drive him out of it permanently!

(Just one thing, IP: if you and I are ever at the same bar and Nadine Jansen walks in, I won't care about your checkered past, I will walk over you to offer her a drink first. Or Chloe. You're on your own there, bud.)

[Pacman]

For you to state that I am attempting to mess with his head is a complete travesty.

And for him to take all of what I said and only suck out the "creepy" part as his point of understanding is even more unjust.

One can not forever be a skeptic, and certainly can't live life soley as a pessimist. Your attitude towards yourself rubs off on other folks, especially ladies.

My sincere apologies for attempting to help. I thought attempting to talk would have been a way of throwing a branch for someone to grab onto.

I remember when people did this for me in a time where every day, I myself wished I would literally die. And it was never any hospital trips due to this that got me through it. It was the ability to listen and learn from those who actually gave a shit about me.

 

[redtalon11]

Hey Pac,

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."

IP has to see the light first before anyone can join him in it.

Redtalon

[invisible pervert]

It's not that Pac, just what you said is echoing how women react to me. Not that I even try that much anyway.

I don't have friends who I could trust to put in a good word as they're all looking on and off too, so it's the old "fuck him, me first" routine, as is nature.

Oddly nough I'm the other way round, I've always put people first not me, I have to otherwise it's the old "your so selfish" shit.

As for any form of social or professional life, that is a standing joke at the moe, no one wants anyone without experiance, women don't look at you if your not successful etc. Things here arn't picking up, and despite my best efforts nothing changes.

There's a phrase "life's what you make it", and I say bullshit. Life is a series of circumstances beyond your control, and it depends on having the resources to deal with them, if you don't have them your screwed.

So no I'm not having a go it's just I'm seeing horrible echos of what you said all around and I have no way to deal with them.

Either someone up there hates my fucking guts, or they just don't care. One way or the other I'm stuck.  

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Two words: "Dating service."

You wouldn't wander around at random accosting people you met in hopes of finding a barber or a plumber, right? If you needed to buy a used car, would you go around stopping people on the road, asking them if they were interested in selling? No, of course not. So why approach finding a girlfriend that way?

Ok, granted, you're probably not going to run into too many exotic dancers with a dating service, they've got no need of one, but trust me, (In this I have experience.) fat girls have big breasts, too, and they can be pretty horny. Fun company, too.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I.P., I've been following this thread, not knowing what to say or how to help. All I can say is, look around at all the people here at the forum who are trying to help you. Your life and your happiness is important to us, and we've not even met you. How much more you must mean to your family and friends. I have gone through periods like this in my life too, when things seemed hopeless. Actually, the last year of my life has seen an incredible tranformation in my attitude and my life. A few things happened that just seemed to open new doors for me that I never thought I'd see. And it will happen for you too, but you have to persevere, and not let the darkness overtake you. I hate to sound like a cheerleader, but I'm worried about the way you talk about things. Please tell me you'll keep trying to find happiness. I'm worried about you. Shannon

[brstfetish]

Hey IP, I think the main issue here is that you need to change your attitude BIG time, stop feeling sorry for yourself. There's people around the world in truly BAD situations and many of them are optimistic and take advantage of the little that they have. Trust me I know, I come from South America and I've seen [censored] living in the streets and begging that are more optimistic that you are. We all go thru depressions and sometimes feel unnatractive or dumb or whatever, but we know that we have to fight thru those depressions and readjust our attitude, this is a endless task that we go thru all of our lives. Now if you have a chemical inbalance then that's an issue to check with your doctor and maybe some medicine will work wonders to adjust some chemicals to normal levels, if this is needed plus a reality check about attitude will help you see snap out of your self destructive thinking. The thing is that we all go thru depressions and thus the negative attitudes, but you dwell on the negative just a little to much over the normal level, just bring it down to the normal level and get out and chase those busty women!

[F_Cup_Fitzgerald]

I.P., you'll always have your friends here at the BEA. Don't underestimate us as a source of help. We're there for ya, man--each of us in his own way, of course.

One thing I've learned here that's always amazed me is the incredible VARIETY of women that men find attractive. Some guys find women attractive that I wouldn't care for, on a physical level, at all. And the same must be true for women: there must be a wider variety than you think of what women find attractive in a guy. Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of that one.

I'm not worried. I think you can take care of yourself. And I'm not the kind that says "snap out of it" or offers glib reassurances. Those techniques never worked on me. I won't make promises to you that I can't keep. I can't tell you the time or place.

But I do know that persistence pays, or at least it has for me, and maybe for you too. But it has to be almost a blind, insane persistence. You have to be able to brush away the nay-sayers as if they were made out of cobwebs. You have to be able to ignore them. You have to be able to pretend they're not even there. Can you DO IT?

[Goldeneye]

Same here, IP, I totally agree with everything Irish Girl said.  This time exact time last year, I was at the apex of a depression that had been slowly growing since my childhood and had launched into overdrive six years ago.  The holidays ALWAYS get to me.  They always have.  Not only was it that, but I was desperately in love with a girl I would have given absolutely anything for...and this was one of those loves where you never get the whole thing out of your system.  Even though I know I'm well over her, I am still smart enough to know that I must keep my distance from her forever, if only for my own good.  And it wasn't just that--I had found out another friend had a thing for me--a friend I'd liked for a few years but never expected results with, so I'd never pursued her.  Turned out she'd been flirting with me for some time and didn't think I'd been flirting back (because I didn't think she liked me and didn't want to come off as sleazy), so she turned her feelings for me off just like that, right before I found out how she'd felt.  I went to her; no dice.  I was totally suicidal.  I cried several times daily.  I was ready to take the A train to Nowheresville.  But with the help of some very good friends, I stuck it out and now everything is coming together for me.  Like Irish Girl, the last fifty-two weeks have been a marvel of improvement for me.  Every now and then lately, I stop and think about just how bad a place I was in at this time just one year ago, not to mention all the years before, and I just can't believe how different things are now.  Sure, I still have rough patches, but they're not as deep, not as dark, and not nearly as long.  Everybody has them.  If you just hold on and believe, and find support wherever you can, things will change for you.