[DruulEmpire]

Wilkes-Barre, eh?  I salute a fellow Pennsylvanian.   I'm a Pittsburgher myself.

As a kid my father got dragged by my rather gypsylike grandfather throughout the small towns of West Virginia (in fact I was born in West Virginia, and take heart from Jennifer Garner having done the same) and never really connected with anyone, and I mean anyone, as simply a friend, male, female, whatever.  It was not until he met my mother in, of all places, a wintry Air Force base bordering Canada, that he ever really clicked with anyone.

I of course am not recommending that you join the military, but there is something to pulling yourself out of the small town rut and injecting yourself into a larger community.  This is particularly easy now in the computer age, though the trustworthiness on online communities is yours to discern.  Back in the Nineties I formed one very fine relationship, still pretty amicable, which kept me in good stead for four years, and that was through a laid-back dating service using good old snail-mail postal correspondence.

The machinery of destiny rarely promises to deliver your mate to your doorstep, or even a nearby mall.  This is the age of the search engine.  I'd say, go engineer a search. 

[Omega72]

Actually, Native New Yorker that moved up here years ago. I still have the New York accent that people think is fake, which it's not.

I got hooked up on a blind date once from my sister, let's just say that didn't go well and the girl didn't really have much of a brain when it came to talking. I was surprised more when she picked up her cellphone to call her boyfriend that was over in Iraq at the time 

[MasterDragonfly]

The funny thing is I found out AFTER they went out with me they had boyfriends that were so horrible I couldn't see why they liked them. But meanwhile, it's like they all shared the syndrome of "Asshole Boyfrienditsh"

"I'm working, boyfriend collecting and sitting on this ass not doing nothing but I love him. Had fun Though "

I got hooked up on a blind date once from my sister, let's just say that didn't go well and the girl didn't really have much of a brain when it came to talking. I was surprised more when she picked up her cellphone to call her boyfriend that was over in Iraq at the time 

First, your sister shouldn't have hooked you up with someone who, as it turns out, felt she was still in a committed relationship with someone else. Unless your sister didn't know, which is possible.

Second, I'm reminded of the Tenets of Tom Leykis. Things like a) don't date someone who is in a relationship with someone else (you end up paying for her dinner/entertainment, she goes off to bang someone else), b) her cell phone needs to be shut off while on a date, if it rings and she starts in with the gab-fest (especially if it's her actual boyfriend), you excuse yourself to the washroom and ditch her (with the bill, if possible).

There was another Tom Leykis rule which would fit here, but it's escaping me at the moment. Hmm.

No need to go hang out by yourself. I know from my own experience how old that can get. Just find something (as mentioned in my previous post) which interests you. You spend your money on yourself and your interests (ideally something which might be more likely to draw in women also looking to check out something fresh), and then just take it from there. The worst that can happen is you've learned more about the things which interest you. If you go to a bar, you're already starting out from a bad position, as the women there know you're not just there to enjoy the fine entertainment and savor the amazing wines.

[onion_writer]

The bars around here and some of the woman that go to the bars should have collars with ID tags on them. I went on Friday with a friend and the pickings weren't even slim, they were none even in my species

I was entirely on your side, and trying to think how to help, until I read this. I find it odd that bars where you live attract unusually unattractive women.

I suspect that they instead attract a cross-section that is common to the rest of the country, and that you may have an attitude problem. Yes, we'd all like to be with magazine models. I've had the good fortune to date some myself, as well as some strippers. Except for one, as soon as they opened their mouths their brains fell out. Just my own experience, and if you ever hook up with a hottie, I hope you find the complete package.

Meanwhile -- maybe dial down your expectations? Or at least set aside the attitude. It's really unattractive to women -- and to me, too, just as an interested internet correspondent.

[pedonbio]

Interesting, O_W. We reached the same conclusion from the same statement.

[DruulEmpire]

Yeah, I'm getting worried myself by the ostinato negativity.  It's one thing to archly and briefly joke "Eh, not in my species" -- which I wouldn't do myself, but I can give a benefit of a doubt when it comes to another person's choice of language -- but now it's feeling persistent.  Non-humans, no brains -- and I don't necessarily feel automatic sympathy when you say "How dare she call someone in Iraq?"  Frankly, calling someone up in Iraq is a POSITIVE sign.  Sounds to me like this might be a NICE person.  (You also have to take into account the time differences between here and Iraq.)  All right, it's during your date, and it's "competition" -- but you're not giving the whole story.  Maybe you figured "Ah, I got her a drink, now I've monopolized her," but she did not yet see it that way.  Or maybe it's an ex-boyfriend, but he's not dead to her and she still finds the guy to be a good friend -- another good quality, by the way.

All of us are trying to survive within a busy universe.  Just keep track of that.

   

[Omega72]

I was entirely on your side, and trying to think how to help, until I read this. I find it odd that bars where you live attract unusually unattractive women.

I suspect that they instead attract a cross-section that is common to the rest of the country, and that you may have an attitude problem. Yes, we'd all like to be with magazine models. I've had the good fortune to date some myself, as well as some strippers. Except for one, as soon as they opened their mouths their brains fell out. Just my own experience, and if you ever hook up with a hottie, I hope you find the complete package.

Meanwhile -- maybe dial down your expectations? Or at least set aside the attitude. It's really unattractive to women -- and to me, too, just as an interested internet correspondent.

I joke around. But it seems lately, I'm shooting my mouth off more and more and have to dial it back. I really don't have any exceptions I would just like to find a girl that has things to talk about. But for my age and the ones I've met that are my age, it's like they are stuck on teenage drama you would see on MTV.

I'm really not a bar person. I don't drink, don't smoke. Hell, me and my friend just went out to see how the bar food was because it use to be a hangout for him before it closed down and reopened.

With that date, my sister didn't even knew she had a boyfriend, I was just shocked that here I am in a restaurant and she was talking on the phone like nothing was going on. I felt bad for the boyfriend that was on the phone not knowing what was going on at that time and she was just playing it like she was at home on the couch.

I'm not a negative person by any means, it just sometimes my humor comes off wrong. What I think it was funny, other people take it the wrong way.

Looking back and reading, those were mean negative things to say and I'm sorry.

[Belle]

"ostinato negativity" .. Druul, my boy, what fine wordsmithing you have!  I felt the same way you did upon reading his "collar" rant.

But then something else occurred to me..  first, that's a line.  I mean, the "id tags" and all... that's a quote of some sort.. isn't it?... something he heard I think?

So, I think he said that to us with an ulterior motive.  Was he trying to be cool?  Just maybe.. he was flattered by our approval of his "palin" quip and he decided, (either consciously or not) to toss another funny line our way.  Not even considering the repercussions of it.  It's definitely along the same theme?  Your sense of humor didn't come out right.

Secondly, if try to put myself in his shoes, I would be frustrated as all HELL.  He's in some sort of weird rut of bad luck and he can't seem to figure it out.. "Bitter, party of one".  So in a way.. I don't blame the negativity and appreciate your apology.  You've got friends who are grubbers, girls who are unavailable.. I get it.

But then again.. so do "they"!  They smell it on him.. they see the negativity a mile away.  I said it before, girls hate it.. . shit, I hate it.  I don't want to hang out with a dude who's depressed.

People are attracted to positive, upbeat people.  Don't believe me.. who are you attracted to?  When I watch the Twilight Series.. I'm not attracted to Bella at ALL.. she's morbid and flat.. screw that.  I'm attracted to her busty friend.  Sure, the friend doesn't seem as smart or deep as Bella.. but she's full of smiles and sunshine.  That's where I want to be.  And that's where most girls want to be.

You know what I would have done at that bar?  I would have flirted with the ugly girls (cleanly)... made them laugh.  Complimented their outfits and got to know them.. their personalities.  You know why?  There's about a dozen reasons why.  Do you think any of those ugly girls have any friends?  I guarantee they do.  I also guarantee that at least one of them has a friend that you would find attractive, who is NOT at the bar that night.  I'm not saying hook up with them.. I'm saying be friends with them.  Find out what they're doing, be vulnerable to them (not perverted!! never ever ever ever ever ever be perverted or tell a woman your fetishes.. EVER - unless you really really know her like a best friend!).  Go hang out with them.  They have access to places and people YOU DONT KNOW.  Those girls are your access key.  If this was a video game, you'd be stuck on the first level forever.  The woman you want is somewhere on another level.. you need to get there.. and along the way you need to make those ugly girls feel like they are are beautiful.  Why?  Not just because they are the key, but because you need to learn how to become the sunshine.  You compliment a girl like that, and she'll freaking FIND you a girlfriend.

[DruulEmpire]

Belle, thanks, and I would point out something else about hanging with girls who are not quite what you were imagining -- namely, it can help throw off a woman who might be feeling a bit snooty.  I recall the scene early on in "A Beautiful Mind" when a still very lucid John Forbes Nash has fun with all the guys in the bar all hitting on the same hot blonde, and not only being laughed off by her but being looked upon warily by all the other girls not keen on thinking of themselves as some backup choice.  All-or-nothing frequently yields nothing, but you start networking at some point, any handy point, and who knows what follows.  Way back in the Eighties I got sort of passed around by my first girlfriend to three friends of hers.  I refuse to guarantee that will happen (maybe that was simply because it was, after all, the Eighties), but I hope you're getting some sense of how the women may be seeing all this. 

[pedonbio]

I got sort of passed around by my first girlfriend to three friends of hers.  I refuse to guarantee that will happen (maybe that was simply because it was, after all, the Eighties), but I hope you're getting some sense of how the women may be seeing all this.  

It's a wonderful experience, isn't it? It happened in the '60s, too.

I think Omega72 is either ignoring my Rule #1, or he hasn't learned it yet: She is in control of the relationship. Life gets a lot simple when you accept that.

[RandomX]

Honestly, my best advice for getting in a relationship is don't try. Enjoy being single. Eventually, some girl is going to notice that you don't fall for her act and want to get closer since you're not tripping over yourself like every other guy.

Also, make sure to be looking in your league!