[Xdreamerdigital]

Hey,

 I just been alone not knowing what to do.  I just...I want a girl, any girl, to give me a chance.  I am not bad looking I have had gf's but, I guess cause I look around here like people here are single, I cannot find that person to talk to.

All I ask is just be from tri-state and give me time of day.

Sighs.  I will be posting more just..meh :\

[Robin_K2]

Thanks for sharing. This isn't much of a dating site, really, nor is it an advice forum, but many of us are very glad to help when someone needs it. Loneliness can be a terrible thing. If you might find it useful, use the search function to also search the thread on depression. Best wishes!

[pedonbio]

Robin_K offers good advice.

I would just suggest that you go to a bar, lower your standards, and wait for closing time.

[Xdreamerdigital]

Lowering standards is not what I want.  What I want is someone to talk with you know?

The sadness comes from the fact that I will never feel good enough.  I will always feel alone and always feel like everything I do is wrong..I cannot escape the feeling.

[gonZo]

It sounds like you might be depressed. We have a thread about that: http://forum.bearchive.com/index.php/topic,9988100.0.html

[BacE]

It sounds like you might be depressed. We have a thread about that: http://forum.bearchive.com/index.php/topic,9988100.0.html

Sounds more like depression as a result from avoidant personality disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder


B"AvPD"acE

[SwitcherX]

Hey,

 I just been alone not knowing what to do.  I just...I want a girl, any girl, to give me a chance.  I am not bad looking I have had gf's but, I guess cause I look around here like people here are single, I cannot find that person to talk to.

All I ask is just be from tri-state and give me time of day.

Sighs.  I will be posting more just..meh :\

maybe this site can help

[Palomine]

I'm a little unclear re: your original post... certainly I can empathize if you're lonely and depressed: both are part of the human condition at least some of the time for most folks. However, if you mean that you're coming here to find a girl/friend/whatever as you seem to imply, you'd improve your chances by turning off the computer and leaving the house at any random time.

Though we're blessed to have more than our fair share of actual female users here, they still only comprise a tiny fraction of all active users. And of those that are here, surely at least half are professionals who are promoting their own sites, appearances, videos, etc... for marketing purposes (they're not here necessarily looking to make friends). Of those that remain, quite a few are married/involved and that leaves just a tiny handful who might be single and available. Now what are the odds that any of them lives anywhere near you? Almost nil.

Not to be a downer, but coming to a porn site of any kind (even one as long-lived and community oriented as the BEA) to find a female friend is a long-shot. It happens occasionally (I can count the number of RL-couples who met here on the fingers of one hand... and that's out of 100,000 visitors over 15+ years) but you're likely to actually meet more potential/realistic/proximate candidates at your local bookstore or coffee shop in a single afternoon than you'd meet here in six months.

I'm just sayin' ...best of luck regardless and don't neglect to look at the link(s) others gave in their replies to you.

[Xdreamerdigital]

Thank you I will be posting more about how I feel when I get home.

[Xdreamerdigital]

Where can I begin.

Today has been a long day.  Trying to not be paranoid about work and doing my job.  I know im doing fine I just see my job and no one really relates to me.  I go home, cannot relate to family, talk to people and I cannot relate to.  I just want ot talk to someone..hell anyone...I'd take an im from people ehre if it helps me talk to someone...i jsut...want to give up.

[Robin_K2]

Believe it or not, Alcoholics Anonymous is fantastic for situations just like this -- for many reasons. It's very social, it gets you out, and what A.A. really tries to do is to help a person find contentment. Unfortunately, you have to be an alcoholic. I don't recommend it.

But you do sound very depressed. Being lonely is part of it, or maybe the cause of it, but in the end that doesn't matter; you're possibly too depressed to even try to go out and talk with strangers, renew old friendships, etc. The fixes are all the same. You need to handle the depression first. It's crippled me in the past, and it sounds like you're going through something similar.

Just my two cents, and I wish you well. You might consider some form of counseling and perhaps even medication. Or not. Whatever you find that works best.

[Palomine]

Believe it or not, Alcoholics Anonymous is fantastic for situations just like this -- for many reasons. It's very social, it gets you out, and what A.A. really tries to do is to help a person find contentment. Unfortunately, you have to be an alcoholic. I don't recommend it.

But you do sound very depressed. Being lonely is part of it, or maybe the cause of it, but in the end that doesn't matter; you're possibly too depressed to even try to go out and talk with strangers, renew old friendships, etc. The fixes are all the same. You need to handle the depression first. It's crippled me in the past, and it sounds like you're going through something similar.

Just my two cents, and I wish you well. You might consider some form of counseling and perhaps even medication. Or not. Whatever you find that works best.

Robin's advice is worth listening to. I'm not a Friend of Bill myself, but have been close to people in AA and have been to their meetings/social events. Though it's generally not encouraged, I do know that there can be a fair bit of 'hooking up' happening at some co-ed meetings. I say this not to suggest you go to meet girls, but merely pointing out that such things happen.

[pedonbio]

Well, I am a FoB and I practically never recommend the open meetings unless someone is interested in meeting interesting people you never thought you'd meet. Think of it as a big therapy group where you don't have to participate and will never be called on. And, forgive me for saying it, but most alcoholic women are a lot more interesting after they dry out.

[MasterDragonfly]

Where can I begin.

Today has been a long day.  Trying to not be paranoid about work and doing my job.  I know im doing fine I just see my job and no one really relates to me.  I go home, cannot relate to family, talk to people and I cannot relate to.  I just want ot talk to someone..hell anyone...I'd take an im from people ehre if it helps me talk to someone...i jsut...want to give up.

I'm going to go out on a limb here.

1) I understand that getting regular exercise has a way of brightening up one's outlook, of helping to clear depression. However, this requires some motivation/staying power in order to get to the gym, to know what are 'good' exercises (and what constitutes bad/dangerous form) and how to do them correctly. The classic risk here is in trying to develop, and keep, good habits, ie, getting your butt to the gym, even when you're feeling blah. Walking through the door is the hardest step, doing that first (and possibly only) exercise is the second-hardest. Due to these difficulties, I would urge you to consider #2, below.

2) I might invite criticism here, but I would urge you to consider doing CrossFit. Just put "CrossFit depression" into your fave search engine and see what comes up. The benefit of CF over just going to a gym is the group dynamic; you're not walking around in a bubble with your headphones on, wandering from machine to machine, trying to impress the ladies by attempting to lift more than you're capable of safely lifting. Instead, you've got a group of folks, some newer, some experienced, led by a coach. You can think that you're competing with the others, but really you're competing to be a better YOU; the fact that others are there trying their hardest will help to motivate, the clock counting down (or up, depending on what's going on) helps to contribute to the competitive atmosphere, cranking up the music as the workout kicks off... the energy level has definitely gone up. It won't matter if you're dead last, as others will be cheering you on. Everyone wants everyone to succeed. As you continue to go back day after day (probably 3x/week to start), you'll become more familiar with the folks there, and they with you. Someone may organize a party or gathering or restaurant/pub outing, at which point you have the opportunity to socialize some more. As you increase your fitness level (even if you don't have huge Popeye muscles) you'll start to feel more upbeat. Feeling more upbeat will be expressed outwardly, and others will pick up on that. A positive feedback cycle ensues; life gets better. I can't guarantee that the CrossFit affiliate you go to will be overrun with hot, single women, but at least you'll be putting yourself out there. Think of it as personal networking with benefits.

[ROUNDandHEAVY]

You know even finding someone, and even getting into a long term relationship isn't a panacea.

One thing I have been learning since my divorce is how to be happy with myself again. It's hard to be lonely, I know, but lonely is a horrible reason to look for company and lonely people are tough to be around. Relationships worth having come when you are someone worth hanging out with and I know at least now I am not ready yet.

But I am getting there.

Hang in there.