Okay, it's coming up to Christmas, and I thought I would recap something here to demonstrate to every single BEA member that Santa has already paid us a visit well ahead of time, and we've been given the best Christmas gift ever...
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Dear Santa,
I want a beautiful blonde girl with the most lucious red lips, a figure like an hourglass and the biggest, juiciest breasts to die for.
She has to like good music, comedy films (and a bit of romance), she should like reading good books, cooking and she has to have the greatest, cheekiest sense of humour.
It would be good if she shared my interest in porn too - particularly girls with big boobs - and have a wicked imagination in bed (a bit of girl-girl would go down nicely!).
I'd also like to see her in the sexiest underwear and clothing every so often, like corsets, stockings, high heels, boots - and maybe the odd bit of fetish wear. But sometimes, it's nice just to see her as her everyday self, natural, beautiful and truly radiant.
She absolutely must have a husky, sexy voice, she should love fast cars, be a bit of a nerd when it comes to computers and above all just be so kind, loving, friendly, fresh and happy to chat to her adoring fans.
Oh wait - it's okay Santa, forget it: you've already gift-wrapped her, sprinkled fairy dust on her, set her beneath the tree with all my other presents and gifted her a lifetime membership at the BEA Forum with a tag reading "living legend".
Thank-you so much Santa!!!!