[rtpoe]

In less than two weeks, I'm going to have someone I barely know stick a camera way up my butt.

Having recently begun my sixth decade of existence on this planet, I am taking the advice of my physician and voluntarily undergoing this basic cancer screening.

The one thing I've found about it is that it is very difficult to discuss with people. You can have all manner of medical issues (high blood pressure, diabetes, even erectile disfunction) or be undergoing all sorts of surgical procedures, and it's perfectly fine to talk about it in the open.

But anything dealing with waste disposal? Forget it! No one wants to hear about that!

I suppose I'll manage the whole cleansing process, spending the entire evening on the can as the magic chemical does a complete system flush. I've been tipped off to have lots of baby wipes, really soft toilet paper, vaseline, and a good book handy.... The thing that concerns me the most is that I'm going to need to get a ride home afterwards. For some reason, they don't want me taking a taxi, so I've got to find someone willing to take the time to drive me the two miles from the hospital to my home. And on a weekday morning....

I'll keep you posted, just because I want to blather about it.

And maybe I'll even post some pics...

[DruulEmpire]

I got through it.  Or rather, it got through me.

Beats having a tiny camera fed up through your urethra.  That happened to me after I passed a kidney stone.  I was whacked out on Demerol when they did it, but still it felt awfully peculiar long after.

[Palomine]

Hi rt, you've got a couple decades on me... so I can't believe you're only having it for the first time now. Consider yourself lucky.

The having to get a ride home is because there will be anesthesia left in your system afterwards and they don't want you driving into a tree. It's more a sedative than full anesthesia actually: generally Valium or Demerol or something like that via IV drip. You'll be drifting off into dreamland well before there's any actual insertion... the procedure is usually **84** through and not remembered at all. The *prep* the day before is far, far worse (**94** the stuff to flush your system)... not the time spent in the bathroom but rather **94** all that awful stuff... I think it's called Colyte or something like that. The flavor is fairly mediocre (you can flavor it with any powdered drink mix you prefer as long as it's not red or purple in color)... pretty much anything you pick will be better than **94** it plain or using the packet of flavoring they enclose (sometimes taped to the outside of the bottle). Also, cold is better than room temperature. But worst of all is the consistency... even though you're mixing the stuff w/about 4 liters of water, it still winds up with a consistency like thin vegetable oil. The nauseating act of gagging SO MUCH of that stuff down (you're supposed to drink it all... by the time you're done, anything left in your gut will be crystal clear due to fasting and the flush) is the worst part of the process IMO.

They'll take pix (if you're awake at all, you can watch on tv... I never felt the need myself ) and while there biopsy anything that looks odd.

Be grateful for the sedative... the first one I had was without any sedative or painkiller at all and it was basically like being prison raped by the Terminator. Much, much better to **82** through it.

@Druul: sounds fun.

[dand]

I lost count after 4 or 5 colonoscopies.  I've used golytely (most misleading product name ever) and movi-prep.  For some reason, I never had any trouble with the taste or consistency of either.  I just drank 'em down without flavoring them or anything.  I do drink each installment quickly.  

The effect is another thing.  Pretty unsubtle.  Sounds like you're well prepped with the soft tissue and wipes and such.  You're going to put more miles on your porthole in one night than you normally do in a month.

Palomine is right that you will have the sedative in you afterwards.  I'm not sure why they discourage taking a taxi, other than that they expand you with air for the procedure and afterwards you fart a lot.

Good luck for a good outcome.

[solvegas]

In less than two weeks, I'm going to have someone I barely know stick a camera way up my butt.
And maybe I'll even post some pics...

Having had three colonoscopies ( first one was way back in 1978 when I was 22 and I had to go to Tripler Army hospital in Hawaii because I was bleeding out of my ass pretty bad. Corpsman asked me if I was homosexual and I said, Fuck no !!, I've been at sea for two month and had no sex with no one ). They put this huge probe ( luckily I was **89** ) and found a tear in the large intestinal wall and infection caused by nut shell or possible bone fragment from something I ate. They gave me a horse pill and I peed orange for about a week. Not sure if they had cameras then. Didn't care at the time. I've had two for the last nine years, they have found benign polyps but nothing too serious. Yes, **94** the make you **107** way too much solution is a shitty experience but it has to be done. BUT PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T POST NO STINKIN' PICTURES !!!! If you was Beshine, Sareena Lee or some such person, well, OK. But you ain't so spare us the horror. 

[SwitcherX]

Be grateful for the sedative... the first one I had was without any sedative or painkiller at all and it was basically like being prison raped by the Terminator. Much, much better to **82** through it.

I want to say a lot of things abuot this but I suspect that you're still working thru your feelings of the experience.

[SwitcherX]

BUT PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T POST NO STINKIN' PICTURES !!!! If you was Beshine, Sareena Lee or some such person, well, OK. But you ain't so spare us the horror. 

No, no, no, no, no...

I *DEMAND* pictures be posted.

[solvegas]

No, no, no, no, no...

I *DEMAND* pictures be posted.

Best Daffy Duck voice....... Youurrr desthpicable !! 

[mcgarp]

Had one two summers ago at 31. I had a choice between two different terrible drinks. First one, covered by my insurance was the common one you here about. The massive amounts of liquid/chalk you must drink. I opted for one not covered by my insurance and was 90 bucks out of my pocket. BEST MONEY EVER SPENT! It was called Sur-prep or something along those lines. Far less to drink and a fine consistency. I'm not sure I'll ever drink Cherry 7-Up again, but really, how much did I drink before that happened? Not sure if you'll get the choice I did, but if you do, choose that one!

[Palomine]

BUT PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T POST NO STINKIN' PICTURES !!!! If you was Beshine, Sareena Lee or some such person, well, OK. But you ain't so spare us the horror.  

Aw, pix aren't so awful: more or less like a wet pink cave. Most of us have seen Katie Couric's cave on tv or in clips. Per your Beshine/Sarenna Lee comment (and per Katie too for that matter, who can be hellaciously cute at times) I wouldn't mind seeing their pix, even though it's the **103** to the cave that's erotic... the cave interior notsomuch. And sadly, Katie's tape didn't include crossing the threshold.

[gOOber]

I was the lucky recipient of a sigmoidoscopy in the early `70`s. It was like being gently ass raped with a telephone pole. The young blonde nurse assisting the doctor informed me the doctor wasn`t hurting me so I should stop moaning. I would have liked to make her squeal like a pig with my telephone pole.   Although it wasn`t painful, it remains the most unpleasant experience of my life.

[Palomine]

I was the lucky recipient of a sigmoidoscopy in the early `70`s. It was like being gently ass raped with a telephone pole. The young blonde nurse assisting the doctor informed me the doctor wasn`t hurting me so I should stop moaning. I would have liked to make her squeal like a pig with my telephone pole.   Although it wasn`t painful, it remains the most unpleasant experience of my life.

Lightweight!

Sigmoidoscopy area of exploration on the left; Colonoscopy on the right.
 

[gOOber]

Lightweight!

Sigmoidoscopy area of exploration on the left; Colonoscopy on the right.
 

I guess I don`t have the proper sexual orientation to enjoy that sort of thing. Besides, I believe it`s more blessed to give than to receive.

[dand]

I guess I don`t have the proper sexual orientation to enjoy that sort of thing. Besides, I believe it`s more blessed to give than to receive.

Rimshot!!  (Literally!)

[pedonbio]

I lost count after 4 or 5 colonoscopies.  I've used golytely (most misleading product name ever) and movi-prep.  For some reason, I never had any trouble with the taste or consistency of either.  I just drank 'em down without flavoring them or anything.  I do drink each installment quickly.  

The effect is another thing.  Pretty unsubtle.  Sounds like you're well prepped with the soft tissue and wipes and such.  You're going to put more miles on your porthole in one night than you normally do in a month.

Palomine is right that you will have the sedative in you afterwards.  I'm not sure why they discourage taking a taxi, other than that they expand you with air for the procedure and afterwards you fart a lot.

Good luck for a good outcome.

I agree--I don't remember the taste of the pipe cleaners, just the result. Ah, the joy of shitting for two days straight! And after the "procedure" I did need help getting home, 'cuz I requested as much anesthetic as they could give me. I know it's just a tiny little camera in a tube, but afterwards it felt like the whole goddam production and lighting crew had gone up there.