Very, very sorry to hear of your misfortune tdotter, as I am when any of us suffers some data loss. I won't make any apologies for Apple, since I'm not on their payroll, nor do I know enough about iOS-based products to fully understand how what happened to you could have happened, or whether it could be due to a bug in the upgrade or have some other cause.
If you'll excuse my ignorance, maybe you could just explain to me how content (user data like photos) is normally backed up on an iOS-based device? I know iOS-based products don't have USB ports or accept SD cards... thus, is ALL user data only able to be backed-up on a cloud-based storage account and/or by syncing the device with a computer so it's backed-up on that machine's hard drive? If that's the case, which of those two methods have you been using to backup your data, or did you do both? In either case, how would upgrading the OS on the device itself have affected (erased) your data from a cloud-based or at-home-on-a-PC backup?
Again, I'm an iOS ignoramus, so please pardon me if these are stupid questions or I'm lacking some fundamental understanding re: iOS data backups. Thanks.