[Ironbeard]

Thank you.    They say it comes in three's.  More like 300's  
At work, other workers and customer say that I'm very brave and they wish to be as brave as me when bad fotune meets with them.  I hope to one day see myself as they see me.  

Been working on moving (long another sad story) but once that is done my family can have a service for her.  

I still think about her all the time and miss her so.  Guess that is normal.  Pain never goes away.  One just get more use to the pain.

Did I ever mention how much this thread as helped me.  It has.  Thank you all again.

[Zealot]

Recently my father has been suffering what we all thought was a stroke.It turned out to be a brain tumor.I just learned earlier today it's malignant.
My stepmother is haggard with worry,and my brother was staying over for a few days with him while he had surgery last week.He fell in the bathtub,and they were all humbled at how helpless he was as they were getting him out of there.
He has the same condition as Ted Kennedy,but worse,we don't know how this is going to pull through,but this is just the beginning.
I spoke with him yesterday,and he sounded very feeble.What with his surgical scars he was jokingly comparing imself to Peter Boyle as the Monster from "Young Frankenstein";he was even able to sing a few verses of "Puttin' on the Ritz".
He will have to undergo Chemo and rad therapy or other options;at 78 years old this will be a very tough ordeal.
I have a dread of having to undergo the same ordeal as you two.

[MasterDragonfly]

Quote:
Zealot said:
I spoke with him yesterday,and he sounded very feeble.What with his surgical scars he was jokingly comparing imself to Peter Boyle as the Monster from "Young Frankenstein";he was even able to sing a few verses of "Puttin' on the Ritz".

Sorry for your news, Zealot.

But for what it's worth, reading this paragraph put a smile on my face.  It sounds like something I would probably end up doing.  And hamming it up in the process.  Assuming I were feeling up to doing anything, that is.

Smiles are good to have.  While there were some sad moments at my mom's memorial, there were definitely a lot of stories shared which brought out the laughter.

[Zealot]

On Saturday afternoon I went to visit my father at the Life care Center near his house.Although I couldn't see him on Christmas day or New year's my brother told me he was cognizant and able to chat.He had developed a bladder infection and was **88** on the left of his body.
I was so afraid to see him in such a weakened state,but when I got out there,the fear just seemed to vanish.He spent most of the day **83**.He was on an oxygen feed and could only stay awake a few minutes at a time.All my siblings were able to see him over the holidays,as well as some cousins;he had no brothers or sisters,so many of his cousins were like siblings to him.


On Sunday afternoon my father passed away.His time had come.My sister was there and she called me to tell me the whole story.Even the doctors couldn't tell if he would live another day or a few more months,but the time was just yesterday.I was very lucky to get to see him the day before.
I don't know how to react right now.My day seems so hum-drum normal right now.
Still looking for a job
Still worrying about the money
Still wanting to get into better shape
Still dropping by here to chat and catch free pics
All this time I was the only person who hasn't broken out in tears,and I feel that's a bad sign.I'm afraid that the reall effects of his loss will come down like a Jerry Bruckheimer/Michael Bay Special Effect.

[Zorro]

Nimrod and Ironbeard....and of course to others who have lost a parent.....

Life is tough and especially so when your parents are gone. My mother died and was buried on Mother's Day in 1980. At that time I was still in the Navy and had just finished being stationed in the Persian Gulf. So I barely made it back in time for the funeral.

Last year my dad died at the age of 89. Rather than repeat all I said in my own thread I can only write about the aftermath of that event.

My sister took everything that belonged to my father (which includes his entire estate and I got nothing)

 Even his casket flag which was  presented to me is now in her possesion and I doubt I will ever see it again.

I definitely was hurt and all of that, but I have something even more important than money and posessions. I have my children and grandchildren, my legacy and my only family now.

Hopefully none of that will happen to you folks. Be thankful that you had your parents in your life and all will be fine.

My condolences and thoughts go with you all as well.

[Nimrod]

Zealot, Zorro, Ironbeard and all the others...

Time is supposed to heal all wounds but I feel it really only provides perspective so that one can better understand why we feel the way we do.

Time allows for the subtle context of everything to sink in and allows for the shock or that state of prolonged anticipation to fade.

Time lets one remember more, to gather up the condolences, to establish a new center, to do all the day-to-day things that get pushed aside when you do not even realize it.

Time is not a fix nor is it a resolution to how one feels - it just is living on past an event that seems to have taken something... something profound that had more meaning than you thought you knew.

Perhaps I will learn more given time...

On the first day of Hanukkah this year my brother and I finally agreed on a design for my mother's grave marker - not that there was ever any disagreement, just that is was very difficult as it was both lasting and the final act we had to do. Now we just need to wait till the snow melts, which it will... in time.  

[homevintner]

My condolences to you and your family.

[Zealot]

Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom.I will take them to mind over the next few days.

[Zealot]

Well,the wake and funeral are past.Now the healing and readjustment begin.Only time will tell what effects,if any,I must endure.

[MasterDragonfly]

I'm only now just catching up on this thread.  I am sorry for your loss.

Quote:
Zealot said:
I was very lucky to get to see him the day before.

My situation was different (and it was 19 years ago) but I lucked out and got to have a chat on the phone with my dad, after we'd avoided each other for maybe a couple months due to some sort of spat (and the stubbornness we both have/had).  He died the next day, rather unexpectedly.

I consider myself quite fortunate, as the guilt from having that unresolved spat (small as it was) wouldn't have helped.

Quote:
All this time I was the only person who hasn't broken out in tears,and I feel that's a bad sign.

It's completely individual.  There are no Rules.

When my dad passed, I was holding most of it in, the odd tear running down my cheek, until I regrouped with my first wife, mom and brother.  Then the floodgates opened.  Mom told me later that I sounded just like my dad at that moment.

Argh... I started this reply calm and collected, but remembering that day... getting emotional here....

I cried that day, and cried and cried some more.  I had trouble getting to **82**, but even if I did, I would wake up crying.

When my mom passed, I cried a bit.  I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did.  You might say I'm still waiting for that other shoe to drop, and it may never come to pass.

I did have some crying moments for my mom, but nothing nearly to the depth or duration that I expressed for my dad.  I can only guess that the years of trying to deal with his passing made it easier to deal with hers.

Many will give you suggestions for how you *should* be grieving, but as I'm sure you've already figured out, only you will know the best way for you to grieve and deal with your loss.

If it's any consolation, time will give you plenty of opportunities for reflection and healing.

[Ironbeard]

Alittle more than a years ago I started this thread.  Coming up in May is the 1st anniversary of her death.   I still miss her so much.  So much has happen since then.  I lost my home from forecloser, had to quit my job I like and move with my dad in with my brother.  Work at a job I hate so much and is so stressful I have to see doctors for.  Don't get paid enough to go back to school like I wanted nor have my own place.  My martial arts master's studio expaned and if I didn't have to move I would most likely be working for him as a teacher.  I'm still very very depressed and though I don't admit it to others, had thoughts of suicide.  (gettting help, don't worry)  Had a good friend I knew for years got insane from stress from two stalkers to turn her temparary a stalker towards me and let just say she went fucking nuts. (not my best friend I mention later in this post).  My health is going to hell.  Once I can afford (I have a PPO but haven't reached the deductable yet) it I need to she some doctors about daily pain and need two procedures.    


But some good things happend I guess.  My brother's wife and my dad know how depressed I am so they got me two pets (lost some last like like my sheep I had to give away, 2 cats my my croc died). Both they surprised me with after I came home from work.  A large, puppy like Tegu.  Named him Oni and he's silly and cute.   And 5 hissing cockroaches, very cute and funny guys.

And a happy event.  Was basically the maid of honor and best man for my best friend wedding (state side one,  first offical one she couldn't afford family and friends to fly to Guam) you may know her.  Her name is Whitney and she's Wonderful.    Whitney has helped me through this alot.

Trying to get off of work the 9th (the day of her death) and figure something out to get through that and motherday.  Never got to give here the card I made her. Never got to say goodbye either.  The hospital had me commited against my will because I was trying to get her into a cancer treatment center and was making a fuse about them not neglecting her.  She died trying to go to the bathroom on her own.  She was suppose to have a 24hr sitter.  When they got rid of me they stopped hiring a sitter.  (not making this stuff up.  Need to work on sueing them on my behalf.  
The hospital is already being hit for a class-action suit for simliar shit.  My mother's best friend was treated for tumors and they tried the same shit, her cousin said something that scaried the doctors so bad they admitted they were lying and were doing stuff in illegal, will get her to a good hospital right-away.   [she works for the govenment and her boyfriend was CIA, the scary kind.  It worked]  She is sueing right now.)

Sorry was going off on a tangent.  Just alot has happen since I started this thread and wanted to state an update.  Need to let is out and I do better written than verbal.

[BluePeep]

Its been a year since my father passed, I know how you feel. He died from a Staph infection. Or rather, when he had knee surgery there was infection that the doctor didn't address and the infection got to his heart. We didn't have the greatest relationship, but he was still and always will be my daddy. (BTW I've always wanted hissing cockroaches, are they just plain  awesome?)

[Ironbeard]

Staph is basically her real cause of death.  She finally was on chemo (asshole doctor ignored other doctors and waited 44 days) and the chemo was working.  Till she got staph there and a yest infection.  So they stopped the chemo and the cancer started getting much worse.  The offical record said cause of death was cancer but the doctor in intensive care said it wasn't.  Was  either staph or strain from being neglected and falling into a **97**.  Either way other doctors agreed it was 100% malpractice but none of the bastard would help us in a lawsuit.    The fucking hospital was the ones that gave her the cancer in the first place (most likely according to two doctors) from meds from Shingles.  (things you never give to someone with Shingles)  
By law we have a right to the medical records but the hospital refuse to give them up without a court order.  And we are to poor to afford a lawyer for that.   Guess it good to start feeling angry again.  For weeks its been sadness.  
But with me the anger does last long and saddness takes over.

Thank you for your kindness.  
(my family got me them, 5 for $10 at a reptile show.  They are cute, funny and awesome )

Quote:
BluePeep said:
Its been a year since my father passed, I know how you feel. He died from a Staph infection. Or rather, when he had knee surgery there was infection that the doctor didn't address and the infection got to his heart. We didn't have the greatest relationship, but he was still and always will be my daddy. (BTW I've always wanted hissing cockroaches, are they just plain  awesome?)

[Ironbeard]

I decided even thought I feel closer to the ways of buddha to follow the tradition of my people and light a  Yahrzeit candle on May 9th.  (none-Jews can read about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bereavement_in_Judaism)

I'll post it a few more times in different places online that I'm doing this (as a form of therapy for me and to get more prays)

Hoping other that read this to on May 9th to say a pray for my mom.   Thank you.

[Nimrod]

Well May 5th marks the anniversary of my mom's death. It was odd how fast 1 year went by. I was lucky in that I was able to talk with her (by phone) just before she slipped into a **97**.

Really not feeling "sad" now just very very introspective from time to time.

Odd what one year will do...

Remember the good, remember the bad, but always remember.